IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

in today's world people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages

#world #people #smartphone
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In recent years, many citizens have had their own smartphones, which caused an argument
due to
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 their usage.
This
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 writer believes that the benefits of searching for information and forming relationships between
people
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 outweigh the disadvantages relating to health. First of all, owning a
smartphone
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 can aid
people
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, especially students, in finding information and knowledge.
Due to
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 its finding speed and vast data, students will be able to select the necessary statistics
as well as
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 search for related subjects without wasting time.
Instead
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 of looking up dictionaries, books and documents,
people
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 only need to get their phones and type their subjects on the search bar.
As a result
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,
this
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 method will help
people
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 to save their time and energy in order to complete tasks faster. Another benefit of owning a
smartphone
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 is the connection between users and communities. Having a
smartphone
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, individuals can keep in touch with their families and acquaintances, even though they are in different areas, even in other countries.
In addition
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,
people
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 can make new friends all over the world only by using their phones. Taking Zalo as an example, it helps members of a family to connect to each other despite being far away.
However
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, many individuals argue that using a
smartphone
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 can lead to numerous problems,
such
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 as weakened immunity and anxiety.
This
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 statement can be true, but only if
people
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 spend lots of time on their phones. For those who only use them if necessary, those gadgets will be a great support for their work and lives. Taking all into consideration, the benefits of owning a
smartphone
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 outweigh the disadvantages of health problems because of its vast sources of information and connection.
Hence
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,
people
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 should take advantage of smartphones as much as possible, but not overuse them.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure in your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and subsequent sentences that expand, support, or exemplify that main point.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction that presents the topic and your stance, as well as a conclusion that effectively summarizes your argument.
coherence cohesion
Provide concrete examples to support each point. While you have made claims about the benefits and drawbacks of smartphone usage, adding specific, illustrative examples can strengthen these points.
task achievement
Task response can be improved by ensuring that all parts of the prompt are addressed fully. It is important to present a balanced argument that not only describes the advantages and disadvantages of owning a smartphone but also clearly explain why one outweighs the other.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are clear, fully developed, and directly relevant to the prompt. Unsupported assertions weaken the overall argument.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate your main points. This helps to ground your argument in real-world scenarios and makes your points more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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