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Writing Samples
Band 8

The plans below show a school in 1985 and the school now.

#plans #show #school
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The pictures depict how the school was structured in 1985 and in the present. In an
overall
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 view, it is discernible that the school underwent significant changes
due to
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 the rise in the number of students. Notably, the biggest changes were the reduction in the size of playing fields to make way for other facilities. On the top of the 1985 map, there was a road system surrounding the rectangular car park that branched off in the middle, leading to a spacious
area
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 of playing fields. There was an office on the west
side
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 of that parking
area
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. On the left
side
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 of the branch, a smaller parking lot was situated next to the classrooms, all together to the east of the library. On the other
side
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 of that branch, there was a 2-story block for educational purposes. These facilities were used by 1500 students. At present, the number of learners has drastically increased to 2300, which leads to the structural change of the campus. The car park has been reconstructed, from a rectangular to a semi-circular shape.
Consequently
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, the surrounding road has turned into a semi-circle,
while
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 the branch has been demolished and replaced by trees. On the left
side
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 of the forest, the office stays at the same spot,
whereas
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 the library and car park have been knocked down. A learning resources centre and computer room in the south of it have been introduced
instead
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. Meanwhile, classrooms have been extended and duplicated. To the east of the trees
area
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, the study
area
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 has been transformed from a 2-story block into a block with 3 stories. At the bottom, the size playing fields has been reduced significantly in favour of the newly established pool and fitness centre.
Submitted by cohoctro12122007 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to maintain consistent terminology throughout the essay. For instance, you alternated between 'road system,' 'branch,' and 'forest,' which could be confusing. Stick to one term to describe each feature.
task achievement
Make sure to give equal treatment to both time periods when discussing the maps to ensure balance. Currently, more focus seems to be given to the present structure.
general
Although your vocabulary is strong, make sure to use more varied sentence structure to show a range of grammatical competency. This will also make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
Your essay provides a thorough comparison between the two time periods and captures all the significant changes accurately.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a clear and logical structure, making it easy to read and understand.
coherence cohesion
Your vocabulary usage is appropriate and helps in clearly describing the changes in the school layout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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