The table below shows the changes in exports in HK billions between 2009 and 2010.

The table below shows the changes in exports in HK billions between 2009 and 2010.
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Linking Words
table
provide
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provides
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data
of
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on
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change in percentages for five items
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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Equipment, Telecommunication,
Clothes
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, Manufacturing and Metals exports in HK billions from 2009 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of
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export
Fix the agreement mistake
exports
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was
more
Correct word choice
higher
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in 2010 than previous
year
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.
However
Linking Words
, metals
was
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were
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the
maine
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main
Maine
export
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throuoght
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through
throughout
period
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the period
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,
while
Linking Words
clothes
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was
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were
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the
lest
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least
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item of
export
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.
It is clear that
Linking Words
the total purchase ratio in 2009 was 32%.
While
Linking Words
incresed
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increased
by 6% in next
year
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. Equipment was
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in the
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the
Correct article usage
a
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similar range with profit
incresed
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increased
1.3
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by 1.3
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%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, telecommunication has a significant difference through a
year
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by 4.8 and it changes
achieve
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to achieve
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61% of
export
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. To comparing between
clothes
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and manufacturing in 2009 they
send
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sent
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clothes
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6% and 5.5% other, next
year
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clothes
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decreased
1
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by 1
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%
while
Linking Words
1.5 in 2010. As you see metals were the significant change percent was 122% in 2009 and 2010
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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2.3 and 5.1 respectively.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words clothes, export, year with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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