Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why is this the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?
It is indeed a remarkable phenomenon that many
individuals
manage to thrive in their personal and professional endeavors
, despite encountering academic failures during their formative years. Change the spelling
endeavours
This
paradox can be attributed to various factors, yet I firmly believe that it is one's resilience that ultimately determines their individual achievements.
Numerous accomplished individuals
have encountered academic challenges for diverse reasons. As is the case with all educational institutions, schools are widely acknowledged for emphasizing theoretical knowledge over practical experience, a characteristic that distinguishes them from real-world situations. Therefore
, academic failure often stems from a lack of retained information, a scenario that is
not necessarily replicated in personal or professional settings. A good case in point is my childhood experience when I struggled with academic examinations, particularly in mathematics. Nevertheless
, I was able to effectively navigate monetary matters and attain financial stability.
In my view, resilience is pivotal in determining one's personal achievements. Without the ability to bounce back from setbacks, overcome adversity, and adapt to unforeseen circumstances, individuals
may find it challenging to cope with life's trials, regardless of whether they have excelled academically . Conversely
, individuals
who possess perseverance and adaptability are adept at managing stress, maintaining a positive mindset, and recovering from difficult experiences. Consequently
, they are more likely to achieve remarkable success, irrespective of their academic background. Take Elon Musk, for example
. He has managed to garner immense recognition and made his way in various business domains, despite facing troubles in school or college.
In conclusion, academic performance does not usually align with an individual's accomplishments in life. Instead
, it is resilience that significantly contributes to their success on personal, professional, and financial fronts.Submitted by mirhashemim7 on
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Introduction/Conclusion
While you have presented a clear opinion and concluded your essay with a summative statement, there needs to be a more explicit outline of your position or argument in the introduction. This helps set a clear direction for the essay.
Supporting Main Points
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, which is then developed and supported by specific examples. The paragraph about Elon Musk needs more development and clearer ties to the main point.
Coherence
The essay would benefit from a wider range of cohesive devices. Where possible, vary your language to avoid repetition and use synonyms effectively.
Cohesion
The topic of resilience featured heavily in the latter part of the essay, but could be interspersed earlier to weave a coherent theme throughout.
Task Achievement
The task was addressed quite well; there is a clear response to the prompts. However, the ideas could be expanded with more varied examples and a full exploration of both prompts.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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