IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In modern society, it is possible to go shopping, work, and accommodate via the Internet without face-to-face contact with one another. To what extent do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#society #work #internet #contact #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays living in modern society, the
Internet
Use synonyms
 is our best tool. I think
this
Linking Words
 new thing for people is a positive development because it has a
lot
Use synonyms
 of advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, using the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of going somewhere saves you a
lot
Use synonyms
 of time.
For example
Linking Words
, just think, how much time do we spend just to go anywhere? Using the
internet
Use synonyms
, you don’t need to leave home and all your matters you can do in one sitting.
As a result
Linking Words
, we don’t care about insignificant things
such
Linking Words
 as weather or bus schedules.
Secondly
Linking Words
, using the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 is more convenient.
For instance
Linking Words
, you decided to go shopping via the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of going to different shops. In the virtual store, everything is in one place, so it is easier to search for something. In consequence, you become more productive.
However
Linking Words
, it has a negative impact, when we talk about our mental health and communication. Accommodating via the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 without face-to-face contact with one another, in most cases, is not good for us. We easily miss
real
Add an article
the real
a real
show examples
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 with people.
As a result
Linking Words
, later it causes a
lot
Use synonyms
 of problems in your life. In conclusion, I believe that new technology can change our habits and step by step we will get used to it. Because using the
internet
Use synonyms
 is more convenient and it saves a
lot
Use synonyms
 of time. Anyway, I’d rather choose to go shopping face to face, because I like to see and touch the product before buying it.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction and conclusion
Ensure your introduction sets the context of the topic and presents a clear thesis statement. Your conclusion should restate your main points and thesis, clearly summarizing your argument.
logical structure and connectors
The essay lacks a clear progression of ideas and the paragraphs could benefit from better connecting phrases that enhance the flow of ideas. This can make the text more cohesive.
Support for main points
While your main points are relevant, they need more development and stronger support. Concrete examples and specific details can strengthen your argument.
Task completion
Your response addresses the task and provides a position, but it's necessary to develop your points further, offering a more nuanced discussion on both sides of the argument.
Development of ideas
Provide clearer and more comprehensive development of ideas to strengthen your argument. This will make your position more convincing.
Use of examples
Include more specific and relevant examples to illustrate your points. These should be detailed and accurately support your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online shopping
  • remote work
  • virtual meetings
  • contactless transactions
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • efficiency
  • time-saving
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • social interaction
  • fraud
  • misuse
  • dependency
  • technology
What to do next:
Look at other essays: