The tv and the internet provide opportunity to ordinary people to become famous.Is this a positive or a negative development?
The
tv
and the internet supply Correct your spelling
TV
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
to
Change preposition
for
usual
Correct word choice
normal
people
to become a
popular.I think it is a positive developmentChange the article
apply
,
because you will earn more money and Remove the comma
apply
people
will be interested in you and admire you for such
success.
Popularity allows you to earn a lot of money. You can afford anything at any time, you will depend on anyone for money. For example
, you
are not in the mood or mentally and physically tired, you want to take a break from all the buzz and you can just buy a vacation ticket for Correct word choice
if you
border
or at any time you can afford branded items that will cost you like pennies, Correct article usage
the border
this
is one of the best reasons for popularity.
The second reason why being popular is good is that you are recognized everywhere and looking at you they also
want to achieve this
and set a goal, that is
, you are like an idol for
them. Change preposition
to
For example
, now there are a lot of successful people
who achieved on their own from scratch and young people
who study and are interested in them, that in the future they will be just as successful and popular, by the way, there are such
people
in life, they set goals and reach such
heights.
In conclusion, being popular is positive, firstly
you won’t depend on anyone financially and secondly
Add a comma
secondly,
people
will admire you, preferring to be similar or like you I think there are no negative phenomena in this
.Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on
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Introduction
Ensure that you start with a clear introduction that presents the topic and your overall opinion in a more structured manner. A thesis statement is necessary to guide the reader.
Language Use
Avoid informal language and colloquial expressions in formal essays. Use proper grammatical structures instead of phrases like "you will depend on anyone for money," which should be corrected to something like "you will not be dependent on anyone for money".
Conclusion
Include a conclusion that summarizes your points and restates your opinion. Make sure it is distinct from the introduction and adds finality to the essay.
Coherence
To improve coherence, make sure that your paragraphs have clear topic sentences that indicate the main idea, and every subsequent sentence should support that idea cohesively.
Cohesion
Incorporate a range of cohesive devices such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'Moreover,' and 'As a result' for better flow between sentences and ideas.
Task Response
For a complete response, fully address the prompt by discussing both positive and negative developments related to the topic, as the question asks for your opinion on whether it's a positive or negative phenomenon.
Examples
Support your main points with well-developed examples. Aim to provide specific instances or case studies that can underline your arguments effectively.
Idea Development
When discussing the points, make sure they are clear and extended. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and extensively elaborate on that idea.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.