The tv and the internet provide opportunity to ordinary people to become famous.Is this a positive or a negative development?

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The
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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and the internet supply
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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to
Change preposition
for
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usual
Correct word choice
normal
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people
Use synonyms
to become
a
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apply
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popular.I think it is a positive development
,
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apply
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because you will earn more money and
people
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will be interested in you and admire you for
such
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success. Popularity allows you to earn a lot of money. You can afford anything at any time, you will depend on anyone for money.
For example
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,
you
Correct word choice
if you
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are not in the mood or mentally and physically tired, you want to take a break from all the buzz and you can just buy a vacation ticket for
border
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the border
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or at any time you can afford branded items that will cost you like pennies,
this
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is one of the best reasons for popularity. The second reason why being popular is good is that you are recognized everywhere and looking at you they
also
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want to achieve
this
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and set a goal,
that is
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, you are like an idol
for
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to
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them.
For example
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, now there are a lot of successful
people
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who achieved on their own from scratch and young
people
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who study and are interested in them, that in the future they will be just as successful and popular, by the way, there are
such
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people
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in life, they set goals and reach
such
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heights. In conclusion, being popular is positive,
firstly
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you won’t depend on anyone financially and
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secondly
Add a comma
secondly,
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people
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will admire you, preferring to be similar or like you I think there are no negative phenomena in
this
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.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Introduction
Ensure that you start with a clear introduction that presents the topic and your overall opinion in a more structured manner. A thesis statement is necessary to guide the reader.
Language Use
Avoid informal language and colloquial expressions in formal essays. Use proper grammatical structures instead of phrases like "you will depend on anyone for money," which should be corrected to something like "you will not be dependent on anyone for money".
Conclusion
Include a conclusion that summarizes your points and restates your opinion. Make sure it is distinct from the introduction and adds finality to the essay.
Coherence
To improve coherence, make sure that your paragraphs have clear topic sentences that indicate the main idea, and every subsequent sentence should support that idea cohesively.
Cohesion
Incorporate a range of cohesive devices such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'Moreover,' and 'As a result' for better flow between sentences and ideas.
Task Response
For a complete response, fully address the prompt by discussing both positive and negative developments related to the topic, as the question asks for your opinion on whether it's a positive or negative phenomenon.
Examples
Support your main points with well-developed examples. Aim to provide specific instances or case studies that can underline your arguments effectively.
Idea Development
When discussing the points, make sure they are clear and extended. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and extensively elaborate on that idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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