IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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A wide array of men and women
did
Verb problem
had
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 an operation to make their
face
Fix the agreement mistake
faces
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 more beautiful. The main reason why numerous people do
surgery
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 is that the person’s
look
Fix the agreement mistake
looks
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 can influence
in
Change preposition
apply
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such
Linking Words
 areas as
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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,
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 and
friendship
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friendships
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. I think that it is a beneficial decision
due to
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 the fact that cosmetic changes increase confidence and self-sufficiency.
However
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, it
also
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 has a beneficial impact
in
Change preposition
on
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everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
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 life.
Firstly
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,
due to
Linking Words
 the appearance, you can identify the level of trust
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 person. Essentially, the first impression consists of
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 criteria of trust and how you look owing to
this
Linking Words
 fact an employee can lose his workplace
thus
Linking Words
 individuals do
surgery
Use synonyms
 interventions.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
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 more than 76% of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
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 did a cosmetic intervention
in
Change preposition
for
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 various ages
due to
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 the fact that it has feedback
to
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on
show examples
 their career.
Secondly
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, individuals do
Add an article
the operation
an operation
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operation
Fix the agreement mistake
operations
show examples
Change preposition
at in
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in earl
Correct your spelling
an early
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 age to find a wife.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is the main reason why teenagers want to be prettier. Adolescents are considered incomplete and unconfident to resolve
this
Linking Words
 problem, they apply to operations.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
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 it is normalized that parents give their children
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
surgery
Use synonyms
 to improve future relationships with society and help them find an excellent pair. In conclusion, cosmetic interventions have an advantageous impact on life in numerous areas of life. A wide array of people
everyday
Correct your spelling
every day
show examples
 make
surgery
Use synonyms
 for various
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
. It has a significant advancement in career and
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
.
Moreover
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, it raises the inner power of a person that leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better future.

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coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher score in the coherence and cohesion criterion, ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure. Organize your ideas into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that further develop the idea. Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly, which will enhance the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you fully respond to all aspects of the prompt. Your essay should include a clear position in response to the question posed, and you should consistently maintain and support this position throughout the essay with relevant examples and detailed explanations. Your response must reflect the complexity of the question by addressing both why people choose to have cosmetic surgery and whether this is a positive or negative development.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Idealized beauty standards
  • Cosmetic surgery
  • Advancements in medical technology
  • Socially acceptable
  • Self-improvement
  • Psychological well-being
  • Competitive workforce
  • Youthful appearance
  • Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
  • Physical appearance
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