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Band 4

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Other, however, say that this would have limit effect on public health and that other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sport #facilities #limit #effect #measure
Public
health
 is one of
major
Correct article usage
the major
show examples
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
show examples
 that a country should be aware
.
Change preposition
of.
show examples
 Society believe that
rising
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the development of
sport
facilities
consider
Wrong verb form
is considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one method to make a better public
health
. Meanwhile, some individuals argue that
idea
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the idea
show examples
 was not fully effective and should be supported by some method. In
this
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss my
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
 those ideas and give some
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
. The initial
idea
think
Verb problem
is
show examples
 that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increasing
more
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
sport
facilities
, could impact public
health
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 way.
However
,
with
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
more
sport
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sports
show examples
facilities
 do not mean that all
citizen
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citizens
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 will
used
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use
be used
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and
Correct pronoun usage
them and
show examples
 not
give
Verb problem
have
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 any direct impact
to
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on
show examples
 the growth of
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
health
 rate.
Government
 has a big responsibility toward
this
, more real action
direcly
Correct your spelling
directly
 to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 will be more effective and efficient. To illustrate, to boost public
health
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 could make a massive campaign of the side
effect
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effects
show examples
 of smoking. The action should be taken through an active movement
such
 as socialization to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
,
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
cigarette
Add an article
the cigarette
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 tax and expanding the prohibited areas for smoking. Those actions could decrease the figure of
active
Add an article
the active
an active
show examples
smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
smokers
show examples
 and prevent
cronic
Correct your spelling
chronic
 disease
as a result
. The latest opinion, to convince the effectivity of some
approach
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approaches
show examples
 for
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
health
 should be supported by quantitative measurement. After the
government
 plan and implement their project related to public
health
, they should make an evaluation to quantify.
Survey
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Surveys
show examples
 can
be consider
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
 as tools to use.
Thus
, the
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 for public
health
 are reliable.
For instance
, after
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
done
Add the auxiliary verb
did
has done
show examples
 the socialization
done
Unnecessary verb
apply
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, it is necessary
for monitored
Change preposition
to monitor
show examples
 the
habit
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habits
show examples
 of a
societly
Correct your spelling
society
 in
certain
Add an article
a certain
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 period.
Then
, after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 a survey through interview or paper-based should be taken to support the data. In conclusion,
while
 the approach to improve
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
 is a good
idea
 for
improve
Change the form of the verb
improving
show examples
 public
health
, it should be supported by another more active method and measurement to
assured
Verb problem
ensure
show examples
.
Therefore
, in balance, I remain firmly
convince
Change the form of the verb
convinced
show examples
 that the
idea
 of
build
Change the verb form
building
show examples
 more
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
 should be reconsidered.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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structure
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure. Ideas should be presented in a clear manner, use paragraphs effectively, and each paragraph should introduce one main idea and develop it comprehensively.
introduction/conclusion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are present and they are clearly stated, reflecting the overall position taken in the essay.
development
Develop your main points with relevant supporting details. Use examples effectively to convey clear and comprehensive ideas.
completeness
While you have attempted to address the task and discuss both views, your response seems incomplete as the examples and arguments provided are not fully elaborated.
clarity
Some ideas are not explained clearly and confidently, which could confuse the reader. Aim for a clear development of your ideas and express them with certainty to ensure that your position is well-understood.
examples
Include specific examples when discussing the methods and measures related to public health in order to illustrate your points more convincingly.
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