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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

An NGO is conducting a survey to konw how people feel anout while lloking for ob, the NGO has send out an openion survey to see what residnets feel abbout the given topied

#ngo #survey #konw #people #anout #ob #openion #residnets #abbout
I was recently informed of the surveys on how
people
 feel about looking for a
job
. At the same time, some
people
 claim that
job
 satisfaction is the most important factor looking for a
job
. Some
people
 claim that having
job
security
 is more important when looking for a
job
 is suitable, Considering multifarious reasons, which I will educate and justify in the following paragraph.
Job
security
 is the primary factor for many
people
 as the market has become volatile
due to
 fears of retrenchment. Most
job
 seekers demand
security
 in their employment. Accountably most jobs seek a sense of
security
I
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 their occupation as it gives them financial autonomy and mental peace to perform their duties without pressure.
However
, only
job
 satisfaction can bring effectiveness and happiness I one’s personal; and professional life.
Hence
, it must be the most significant factor
while
 searching for employment the foremost reason for an individual to be engaged in a career he or she is passionate about is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 or she can perform duties without feeling stressed and enjoy the effort invited in officiating responsibility. The outcome will be more effective, and a person can experience more pleasure and recognition in his professional life.
Additionally
, When
people
 derive satisfaction from their occupations, they are more likely to succeed than their co-workers all these encouraging fancier uplift confidence and self-esteem,
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a positive impact on personal life. Considering these reasons, I believe that selecting a
job
 where
people
 can stay satisfied
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 the best choice.
Submitted by t.akanksha.mba on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure, with ideas not flowing seamlessly from one to the other. Work can be done on improving the ordering of points and using clearer linking words.
coherence cohesion
Both an introduction and a conclusion are present, but they are not entirely effective. The introduction can be improved by clearly outlining the main points that the essay will cover. Similarly, the conclusion should succinctly summarise the key arguments made within the body of the essay.
coherence cohesion
While the essay provides support for the main points, the examples and explanations are somewhat superficial. To improve, include more specific examples and delve deeper into the reasoning behind the claims made.
task achievement
The response to the task is adequate, but the essay does not fully address all parts of the prompt with the clarity that is expected at higher band levels. The response would benefit from a more structured argument with clearly differentiated paragraphs and a stronger result-driven focus.
task achievement
Your ideas are understandable, but they are not always presented in a clear and comprehensive manner. Improve this by defining your ideas more clearly and expanding upon them with more detailed explanation and supported argumentation.
task achievement
There is a lack of relevant, specific examples to support the arguments made. Incorporating real-life examples or more detailed hypothetical situations would strengthen the essay's persuasive power.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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