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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There are many who believe that the key concept of music
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 on relaxation. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss why I disagree with
this
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 notion and
form
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 a conclusion.
Firstly
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, there are a variety of situations which utilize music as a
form
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 of stress relief.
For instance
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, studies have shown background noise when students are preparing for exams can enhance academic performance.
This
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 is
due to
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, the increased ability for active recall
as well as
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, the stimulation of memories that are important for the topic being studied.
Secondly
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, after a long and stressful day at work, the majority of
people
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 love to unwind by listening to their favourite songs. The familiar tune may hold positive memories, or have the ability to induce new, exciting and calming thoughts.
Furthermore
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, the act of singing out loud releases anger and tension from the body,
thus
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 aiding in the relaxation of the body and mind.
On the other hand
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, melodies are frequently used as a
form
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 of entertainment. Many use musical therapy as an additional way to cure their boredom, by inviting friends and family over or having a
karoke
Correct your spelling
karaoke
 night.
Additionally
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,
people
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 will strive to accumulate their income so that they are able to watch their favourite artists perform live.
Moreover
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, these shows provide a fun, entertaining atmosphere
as well as
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 a chance to acquaint with like-minded
people
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. Lyrics and the associated melodies can
also
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 be used as a
form
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 of therapy and help overcome a painful situation, like a breakup. Most
people
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 will resonate with the words and feel comfort in the fact that they are being heard and understood. They can
also
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 use these tunes as a
form
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 of healing. In conclusion, it is advisable that music is not only used for relief but
also
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 as entertainment and as a way to feel understood.

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task achievement
The essay lacks a clear thesis statement which makes it difficult to follow the argument. Make sure your opinion is clear in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to use cohesive devices, but the usage is mechanical. Try to use a range of cohesive devices flexibly within and between sentences.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and explain how they relate to the question to enhance clarity and task response.
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