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Band 6.5

the charts show information about the percentage of men and women age 60-64 who were eployed in four countries in 1970 ad 2000

the charts show information about the percentage of men and women age 60-64 who were eployed in four countries in 1970 ad 2000
#show #information #percentage #men #women #age #four #countries #ad
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The bar charts below illustrate the number of
men
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 and women who were employed in their early
60’s
Change noun form
60s
show examples
 in Belgium,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and Indonesia in 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of
men
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 that were in work compared to women was higher in every single country in both the years studied. The rate differences increased in every country apart from
Japan
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 in 2000, which experienced an
overall
Linking Words
 decrease in employment of both genders. Looking at the first bar chart, the highest figures for both sexes
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 in the USA, 85 for
men
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 and 75 for women.
Japan
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 had the lowest statistics with 75 males and 55 females in work.
Japan
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, Indonesia and Belgium all had similar differences in employment
rate
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rates
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,
this
Linking Words
 being around 25% for each country. Looking at the second chart, the number
for
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of
show examples
 females has dramatically declined in
Begium
Correct your spelling
Belgium
from 62 to 8, whilst the statistic for males has
also
Linking Words
 fallen from 78 to 50.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
statistic
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statistics
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 for girls in the USA and Indonesia
also
Linking Words
 fell from 79 to 40 and 65 to 50. Interestingly in
Japan
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,
men
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 declined from 75 to 50 whilst ladies stayed relatively the same. the
Submitted by abeera2012 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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