The government spend about 220 million (poundsterling) a year supporting museums and galleries in the UK, and a similar amount subsiding the visual and perfoming arts. This is a huge sum to spend on minority interest, and the money would be better spent on more important things. It should be up to the people who enjoy cultural attractions to pay for them. What are your views?
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The investment
Correct article usage
Investment
of
developing the art and cultural industry is one of the most prevalent Change preposition
in
policy
for the British Change to a plural noun
policies
government
. However
, there are some criticisms that the
Correct article usage
apply
government
expenditure should be highly allocated to improve the living standard of the
minority groups in Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
. This
essay argued that providing additional resources to support the cultural and artistic life of the country is totally essential as that industry can effectively boost the income of tourism, and therefore
the government
should actively bear the responsibility to administrate the museums and galleries.
It is evident that taking part in art events, ranging from accessing local museums to sightseeing the
heritage attractions is the most popular Correct article usage
apply
activities
for Fix the agreement mistake
activity
the
global Correct article usage
apply
travelers
. During staying in the countries, consumptions Change the spelling
travellers
such
as dining in the restaurants, purchasing the luxurious goods and booking the hotels are beneficial to the economy which drive
the business of retail, hospitality, and catering industry. Correct subject-verb agreement
drives
As a result
, the arts play a key role in tourism so as to make the society
more wealthy and that profit can also
use
to support the needy in the Wrong verb form
be used
society
.
Given the positive impact of that, government
definitely take the initiative to support the art attractions and landmarks Add an article
the government
for instance
, access to museums, galleries and night markets should be freely available to all of the local residents and foreign visitors. On the other hand
, the tourism bureau have
to regularly organise Change the verb form
has
the
traditional pop-up events in the cultural spots Correct article usage
apply
so that attracting
more people to travel Wrong verb form
to attract
the
city.
All in all, it seems that Change preposition
to the
although
there are many demands on the
Correct article usage
apply
society
, the policy makers
do have Correct your spelling
policymakers
responsibility
to provide assistance to Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
range
of cultural activities in order that Add an article
a range
benefit
the economy and the Change the verb form
benefits
government
revenue.Submitted by kylewkh726 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a fair level of coherence and cohesion. There is a logical flow to the information and ideas presented. However, the essay could benefit from more effective structuring, especially in the introduction and conclusion, where the main points should be clearly stated and summarised. Aim to use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing more effectively to enhance the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
The task response is adequate, but the essay only partially addresses the prompt. While the prompt calls for your views on a specific statement regarding government spending on arts and whether cultural enthusiasts should bear the cost, your essay largely focuses on the economic benefits without fully engaging with the argument presented in the task. To score higher, make sure to directly address the questions posed and provide a balanced view with a conclusive opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
