The government spend about 220 million (poundsterling) a year supporting museums and galleries in the UK, and a similar amount subsiding the visual and perfoming arts. This is a huge sum to spend on minority interest, and the money would be better spent on more important things. It should be up to the people who enjoy cultural attractions to pay for them. What are your views?

The investment
Correct article usage
Investment
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of
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in
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developing the art and cultural industry is one of the most prevalent
policy
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policies
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for the British
government
.
However
, there are some criticisms that
the
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apply
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government
expenditure should be highly allocated to improve the living standard of
the
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apply
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minority groups in
the
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apply
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society
.
This
essay argued that providing additional resources to support the cultural and artistic life of the country is totally essential as that industry can effectively boost the income of tourism, and
therefore
the
government
should actively bear the responsibility to administrate the museums and galleries. It is evident that taking part in art events, ranging from accessing local museums to sightseeing
the
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apply
show examples
heritage attractions is the most popular
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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for
the
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apply
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global
travelers
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travellers
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. During staying in the countries, consumptions
such
as dining in the restaurants, purchasing the luxurious goods and booking the hotels are beneficial to the economy which
drive
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drives
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the business of retail, hospitality, and catering industry.
As a result
, the arts play a key role in tourism so as to make the
society
more wealthy and that profit can
also
use
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be used
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to support the needy in the
society
. Given the positive impact of that,
government
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the government
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definitely take the initiative to support the art attractions and landmarks
for instance
, access to museums, galleries and night markets should be freely available to all of the local residents and foreign visitors.
On the other hand
, the tourism bureau
have
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has
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to regularly organise
the
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apply
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traditional pop-up events in the cultural spots
so that attracting
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to attract
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more people to travel
the
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to the
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city. All in all, it seems that
although
there are many demands on
the
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apply
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society
, the
policy makers
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policymakers
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do have
responsibility
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a responsibility
the responsibility
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to provide assistance to
range
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a range
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of cultural activities in order that
benefit
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benefits
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the economy and the
government
revenue.
Submitted by kylewkh726 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a fair level of coherence and cohesion. There is a logical flow to the information and ideas presented. However, the essay could benefit from more effective structuring, especially in the introduction and conclusion, where the main points should be clearly stated and summarised. Aim to use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing more effectively to enhance the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
The task response is adequate, but the essay only partially addresses the prompt. While the prompt calls for your views on a specific statement regarding government spending on arts and whether cultural enthusiasts should bear the cost, your essay largely focuses on the economic benefits without fully engaging with the argument presented in the task. To score higher, make sure to directly address the questions posed and provide a balanced view with a conclusive opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Subsidize
  • Heritage
  • Accessibility
  • Self-sustaining
  • Cultural hub
  • Philanthropy
  • State patronage
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Cultural literacy
  • Public endowment
  • Economic multiplier
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