Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
It is true that governments have to face more dilemmas caused by senior citizens,
while
some people
think that elderly people
give more advantages to the community. This
essay will examine how elderly people
have a positive impact on society
since they have a wealth of skills as well as
contribute to the economy.
To begin
with, the activeness of people
becomes slower when they turn older. The older population who still drives tend to use a lower speeds
, Correct the article-noun agreement
a lower speed
lower speeds
therefore
the traffic increase in public. What is more, the ageing population rarely for asking help in society
because they do not want to bother their neighbour. For instance
, when the
Correct article usage
apply
society
need
to collect data in order to election, older Change the verb form
needs
people
usually come late so impacted by the event. Obviously, senior citizens have to start a relationship with their society
which is able to lend a hand to them.
On the other hand
, despite those downsides, it is worth noticing that the ageing population has numerous skills due to
many of the experiences they have in their life that contribute to the community. To illustrate, in a state, if there is a problem in the neighbourhood, folk usually ask for advice from the elderly since they are able to provide advice based on their life experiences. Another benefit is independence financially. Owing to the many work experiences elderly people
have, they have numerous assets to support their lives; as a result
, senior citizens do not ask the government to provide aid for them.
In conclusion, although
elderly people
may encounter some issues in public, I firmly believe that their presence is essential since many aspects they can contribute. Subsequently
, it is clear that
governments have to provide more spaces in public in order to support older people
activities.Change noun form
people's
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure which disrupts the flow of information. Ensure that ideas are organized in a logical manner with clear connections between them.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but do not effectively set the context for the essay or summarize the main points convincingly. Focus on crafting a compelling introduction and a conclusive summary that encapsulates your argument.
coherence cohesion
Main points are not consistently supported with relevant examples or explanations. Develop each point with specific examples or detailed reasoning to enhance clarity and impact.
task achievement
The response does not fully address the prompt, as the comparison between the advantages and disadvantages is not sufficiently explored or balanced.
task achievement
Ideas presented in the essay are somewhat clear but lack depth and comprehensive development. Work on providing more insightful analysis and detailed exposition of the ideas.
task achievement
Specific examples are scarce and when used, are not effectively relevant to the argument being made. Include more targeted examples to substantiate your points and enhance the persuasiveness of the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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