IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that history should be taught to children at school. Others however, believe that there are other subjects that are more relevant to children’s lives today

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
ducation
Correct your spelling
Education
 plays an essential role in shaping young
people
Use synonyms
’s understanding of the
world
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
history
Use synonyms
 should be taught in schools, others argue that more modern
subjects
Use synonyms
 are more useful for
children
Use synonyms
 today.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and give my opinion. On the one hand,
history
Use synonyms
 is an important subject because it helps
children
Use synonyms
 understand how the
world
Use synonyms
 has developed. By learning about past events,
students
Use synonyms
 can understand the origins of modern society, political systems and cultures.
In addition
Linking Words
,
history
Use synonyms
 teaches valuable lessons from past mistakes,
such
Linking Words
 as wars and economic crises. If young
people
Use synonyms
 understand these events, they may be less likely to repeat them in the future.
History
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 helps
students
Use synonyms
 develop critical thinking and analytical skills, as they must examine evidence and different perspectives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as science, technology and financial education are more relevant today. The modern
world
Use synonyms
 is driven by technological advancement, and
children
Use synonyms
 need digital skills to succeed in the job market.
For example
Linking Words
, knowledge of computers, programming and finance can help
students
Use synonyms
 secure employment and manage their personal lives. Critics argue that spending too much time on historical events may not prepare
students
Use synonyms
 for modern careers. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 modern
subjects
Use synonyms
 are extremely important,
history
Use synonyms
 should remain a core subject in schools. A balanced education should prepare
children
Use synonyms
 both for the future and for understanding the past. Without historical knowledge, young
people
Use synonyms
 may lack cultural awareness and repeat previous mistakes. Conclusion In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 practical
subjects
Use synonyms
 are increasingly important in today’s
world
Use synonyms
,
history
Use synonyms
 remains a valuable subject that helps
students
Use synonyms
 understand society and learn important lessons.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it should continue to be taught alongside modern
subjects
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response, your answer covers both sides and gives your view, but you can add one more clear example to make your ideas stronger.
task response
For task response, some ideas are good but a few points are quite general. Try to explain how and why in a deeper way.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and each paragraph has a clear job. Keep this clear paragraph plan.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use linking words well, but do not use too many simple links like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' only. Mix them with other clear links.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your conclusion is clear, but the line 'Conclusion' is not needed in IELTS. Just write the final paragraph.
task response
For task response, you answer the full question and clearly give your opinion.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are relevant to the topic and stay focused.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your ideas move in a logical order, so the reader can follow them easily.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: