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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patieents vivsiting four clinics of a hospital form 2010 to 2016.

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patieents vivsiting four clinics of a hospital form 2010 to 2016.
#line #patieents #four #clinics #form
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This
Linking Words
 graph illustrates the average
number
Use synonyms
 of weekly
patients
Use synonyms
 visiting four different clinics: birth control, eye, diabetic and dental in the hospital between 2010 and 2016
According to
Linking Words
 the line graph, all four clinics had increased by 2016 and in
Correct article usage
the begining
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begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 the
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
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clinic
Use synonyms
 was birth control, but
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
survey
Add a comma
survey,
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 the eye
clinic
Use synonyms
 became the most popular among the
patients
Use synonyms
. The graph provides strong evidence, that
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
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 control section of the hospital had about 248
patients
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 in 2010, it expanded slightly to about 275
people
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till
Change preposition
by
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 2012.
Although
Linking Words
, between 2012 and 2014 it significantly declined to 175 humans, but till 2016
this
Linking Words
 figure recovered to almost 250
people
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
patients
Use synonyms
 in eye
Use synonyms
clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
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 in 2010 stood at 125 and between 2010 and 2016 it climbed dramatically to 350
people
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. Meanwhile, the diabetic one had a bit more than 50
patients
Use synonyms
 in 2010, till 2012 there was
gentle
Correct article usage
a gentle
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 rise to almost 100
people
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, and that figure was the same till 2014. After
that
Add a comma
that,
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 its
number
Use synonyms
 grew to about 280
patients
Use synonyms
. In comparison, the
number
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
of
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 dental
Use synonyms
clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
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 was 100 individuals in 2010.
However
Linking Words
, till 2012 there was
fall
Correct article usage
a fall
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 to 50
people
Use synonyms
, but
then
Linking Words
 it climbed to almost 150
people
Use synonyms
till
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2016.
Submitted by satkalialbina07 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, patients, clinic, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "climbed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • line graph
  • average
  • weekly patients
  • clinics
  • hospital
  • trends
  • increases
  • decreases
  • peaks
  • troughs
  • fluctuations
  • comparative analysis
  • time period
  • consistent
  • inconsistent
  • gradual
  • sharp
  • decline
  • rise
  • remained stable
  • notable
  • significant
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