IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people hold that the development of modern science and technology leads to environmental pollution and energy shortage. What do you think ?

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The developed technology and science hurt the earth, and cause a variety of issues. In
this
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 report, I will go through the merits and demerits of
this
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 development, and
then
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 allow me to share my point of view. Modern knowledge is beneficial, useful, profitable, necessary, and environmental;
as a consequence
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, many people believe that technology and science support and protect the planet.
Firstly
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, many new inventions were created to support the earth. New devices are published to encourage people to protect the planet.
For example
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, a lot of scientists are trying to find methods to prevent UV rays, many new cars depend on electric or solar power
instead
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 of petroleum, and refrigerators do not use Ammonia anymore.
Secondly
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, modern science and new technologies are environmentally friendly. To explain that, many influencers post on social media that the raw materials that were used to create their devices are environmentally friendly.
Although
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 the points mentioned above are strong, there are reverse points that hold equal strength. The amount of pollution is dramatically increasing, which means that researchers are not protecting the planet. For
further
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 explanation, a study captured that, nowadays, the percentage in the whole world has reached its peak.
Moreover
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, many people acknowledge that they face a lot of diseases, more than before, and studies show that developed technology is the main reason.
Besides
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 that, many modern creations and discoveries reveal a huge amount of waste.
For example
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, cars, ships, fossil fuel, and air conditioners. These creations were not used by our ancestors a century ago, but they are important in our daily lives in the modern world. In conclusion, even though the development of knowledge is helpful, important, and profitable, the old style of living was safer, more environmentally friendly, and more beneficial.
However
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, I believe that the statement mentioned above is completely correct.

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development of ideas
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is explained, developed, and supported with examples. Some of your examples are good, but offering more detailed and specific explanations could strengthen your argument.
evidence use
Be careful with general statements. Use reliable sources to back up claims, especially when mentioning studies or data (e.g., "a study captured that..."), to add credibility to your arguments.
conclusion clarity
Revise your conclusion to directly address the essay question. Restating your stance clearly and summarizing the main points of your argument can make your conclusion more impactful.
grammar/punctuation
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to improve clarity and professionalism of your writing. Even minor errors can distract from your main points.
structure
Your essay structure is logical, facilitating a smooth flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
argument development
You effectively introduce arguments and contrast differing viewpoints on the topic, which shows an understanding of the essay question.
introduction/conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for your discussion.
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