numerous animal species worldwide are currently facing extiction. some argue that countries and individuals should prioritize protecting these animals, while others believe resources should be focused more on human issues. discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is irrefutable that
extinction
of some species is rising day by day. Many opine that animal protection should be Correct article usage
the extinction
priority
of Add an article
a priority
the priority
prople
Correct your spelling
people
as well as
nations but people who do not agree with this
statement believe human issues should be seen first. I will shed some light on both views and will give my opinion in the conclusion.
Firstly
, individuals who argue that animal pervention
should be our initial step. it is being said because animals not only provide us medicines for human safety but Correct your spelling
prevention
also
give us food and row
material. Correct your spelling
raw
For instance
, disappearance
of species Add an article
the disappearance
lead
us towards Change the verb form
leads
unstable
ecosystem. Correct article usage
an unstable
Due to
this
, various kinds of production would get effected
Correct your spelling
affected
such
as food, medicine, and raw material. Also
, human
will not survive if they do not Fix the agreement mistake
humans
recieve
basic needs Correct your spelling
receive
everydays
. Correct your spelling
every day
everyday
Consequently
, life would not be easy without animal species.
Secondly
, individuals who support that human issues are burning
topic in Correct article usage
a burning
this
era and must be tackle
Change the verb form
be tackled
fisrt
are considering Correct your spelling
first
about
poverty, diseases and education. Change preposition
apply
For example
, International Newspaper has proved that 70% of people are suffering form
multiple problems Correct your spelling
from
such
as illness, unemployment as well
as
lack of study Correct word choice
and
should
be given some support first to improve their circumstances, so they Correct word choice
and should
could
live better Wrong verb form
can
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Consequently
, our nation would be rich from
every aspect if these Change preposition
in
issue
Change the determiner
issues
are
tackled first prior to other problems.
To put it in a nutshell, Wrong verb form
were
i
Change the capitalization
I
pen
Verb problem
am
down
saying that both problems are imperative to mitigate but human obstackles should be our primary consideration if we are living healthy and good Change preposition
apply
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
then
we can solve everything easly
.Correct your spelling
easily
Submitted by maninderdeep on
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear, logical progression of ideas which is necessary for high coherence and cohesion. The connections between paragraphs and the overall structure of the argument could be significantly improved for better clarity.
Task Achievement
Both views and the writer's opinion are presented, however, the development of the argument is superficial without in-depth analysis. Specific examples are lacking and there is repetition of ideas rather than clear expansion and support for the main points. This affects the task achievement score.
Coherence & Cohesion
The writer should work on organizing ideas more coherently, using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion could be more closely related to the task to ensure a strong opening and final statement that tie the essay together.
Task Achievement
It's important to not only present each view but also to explore them with sufficient detail and examples. The writer should ensure that their opinion is clear and well supported, integrating it throughout the essay rather than only at the conclusion.
