IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

People now spend more and more time at home than in the past. What are the reasons for this development and what its effects on people and society.

#people #time #home #development #effects #society
Nowadays, folks are believed to stay more at home than spend time outside.
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 a more sedentary life rather than working longer hours. There are myriad causes and impacts on society for
this
 enhancement which will be ellucidated in
further
 essay. The progression in technology has simplified numerous tasks for humans.
For instance
, folk working from home are using technical gadgets which makes them work in their own comfort zone.
Additionally
, websites
such
 as Netflix, and Amazon Prime are believed as most tempting entertainment
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 for adults because they avoid going outside.
Secondly
, my viewpoint is the laziness after eating junk food the whole day. community in the past were active because of eating more healthy and fresh food. The advancement in technology is affecting society's health in a bad condition. There are a number of detrimental effects on the health of children by spending more time on video games
such
 as weakness of eyesight or mental illness. The belongings and caring between folks are eliminated gradually with the development.
For example
, The Tribune shows a 60 per cent decline in the ratio of
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 sitting by the streets for doing activities
such
 as playing cards and having conversations in the neighbourhood in the past few years. Concluding the essay, I believe the unhealthy lifestyle and the progression of technology compels people to spend most of their time at home
due to
 which they have forgotten to enjoy the serene environment and are losing connection
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 friends and
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
.
Submitted by buttargurpinder73 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks depth and development in its main points. It would benefit from a more structured introduction, clearer topic sentences, and more developed paragraphs with supporting details.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the task, it does not fully develop all parts of the prompt. The reasons for people spending more time at home are mentioned superficially, and the effects on society are only briefly explored. Consider expanding on the ideas presented, offering more detailed explanations and ensuring that all parts of the question are addressed thoroughly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: