IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Despite the growing number of gyms and fitness centres, more and more people are leading a sedentary lifestyle in the modern society. 60.00 What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest

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Even though
,
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 many fitness-related infrastructure facilities are available in modern cities,
people
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 become more and more inactive
due to
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 their busy lifestyle.
This
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 essay discusses that
,
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this
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 has become a pressing issue as it creates many adverse impacts on
people
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's well-being.
However
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, the government and the private sector interventions to increase public awareness in
this
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 regard may help to solve the problem. On the one hand ,
people
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 become inactive
due to
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 their busy lifestyle and it negatively affects
people
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's mental and physical health. Excessive sitting , not being involved in physically demanding activities and not having a balanced diet may lead
people
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 to suffer from physical and mental illnesses like diabetes, high blood pressure , anxiety , depression , etc.
For example
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, many individuals who sit nearly 10 or more hours a day for work for
prolonged
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a prolonged
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 time without having proper exercise or healthy meals have a high tendency to suffer from mental or physical illnesses in future.
On the other hand
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, these problems can be overcome by raising awareness campaigns by the government sector. Organizing local workshops to educate
people
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 about the adverse effects of an inactive lifestyle will help
people
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 to educate themselves and to take necessary measures.Private organizations can
also
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 introduce programmes to increase employee well-being and
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also
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can provide incentives for workers who are actively engaged in those
programmes
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programs
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.
For instance
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, some companies run morning and afternoon exercise sessions before and after every work shift free of charge to encourage their employees to stay fit. In conclusion, many individuals in society have become inactive and vulnerable to many illnesses.
This
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 problem can be controlled by raising the awareness of
people
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 about the negative impacts of unhealthy living
while
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 organizing programmes in companies to increase
people
Use synonyms
's participation in physical exercises.

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Introduction
Ensure that the introduction provides a clear overview of the essay's main points. Your introduction briefly mentions 'adverse impacts' and 'government and private sector interventions' but could be more specific in outlining the problems and solutions to be discussed.
Coherence
Work on developing clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the prompt and signal to the reader the main focus of each paragraph.
Support
Try to provide real-world examples or statistics to back up your claims, giving your arguments more weight and making them more persuasive.
Task Achievement
When introducing solutions, it's important to clearly connect them back to the problems identified, explaining how these solutions would effectively address the issues.
Conclusion
Make sure that your essay answers all parts of the prompt fully and that your conclusion summarizes the problems and solutions effectively, restating the main points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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