IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Governments are prohibiting underage children from getting full time jobs in certain countries. Do you agree or disagree?

#governments #children #time #jobs #countries
Child
 labour
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 banned by the authorities in several destinations
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
worker
 because it destroys
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
child
 development. I completely agree with
this
 statement. There are some reasons
behingd
Correct your spelling
behind
this
 phenomenon.
This
 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
 with, the
government
 should not allow
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
 because many teens have a chance to give up their studies without
completing
Correct pronoun usage
completing them
show examples
. To be more precise,
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
work
 means 8 hours job, if
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 works
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
 job he should
work
 8 hours like
adult
Add an article
an adult
show examples
,
consequently
, he cannot have a chance to attend school, so he might be dropped his education and does
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
work
.
For example
,
Indian
Add an article
the Indian
show examples
government
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 banned
child
 labour
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
worked
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 full
time
 and they have
a strict rules
Correct the article-noun agreement
strict rules
a strict rule
show examples
 against who breaks the law to appoint
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 as a
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
worker
 in companies.
Hence
, the authority prohibits
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
under-age labour are
worked
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
 employment.
Furthermore
, many small enterprises
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
appointed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teens are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
worker
 illegally in black markets
while
 they provide a low amount of salary
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult workers, so, the
government
 are banning the
child
work
 as
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
worker
.
Similarly
, children do not have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
 medical insurance until they are
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
.
For instance
, if any accidents
are happened
Change to the active voice
happen
have happened
show examples
 in the
working place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
, teens do not have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
insurance to cover
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 expenses and the company
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not provide anything.
Therefore
, the
government
 does not allow children
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
To conclude
, the
government
 are
forbiding
Correct your spelling
forbidding
 underage
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children from
show examples
 getting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
 employment
due to
 children have to drop out
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 school education without finishing high school and they do not have
work
 insurance to cover any accidents are
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
show examples
. I hope
this
 drive brings more benefits to teenagers.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Use paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph discussing a different main point.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include both an introduction and conclusion to frame your arguments. These sections should clearly state your position and summarize your main points.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. Avoid general statements without supporting details.
task achievement
Address all parts of the prompt to ensure a complete response. Make sure that your essay fully covers the topic and your reasonings are clear and fully developed.
task achievement
Present ideas comprehensively by exploring each point thoroughly. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to illustrate your arguments. This shows a better command of the topic and enhances the persuasiveness of your essay.
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