Some people think that foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors during their visit to historic and cultural places. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Some individuals
believed
that foreign Wrong verb form
believe
visitors
should pay more money
than local people during their visit to historic and cultural places
. I totally disagree with this
stament
because Correct your spelling
statement
foreing
Correct your spelling
foreign
visitors
might decide not coming
to see cultural Change the verb form
to come
places
anymore and historical places
might have to closed
Change the verb
close
due to
not having enough money
to maintain them.
One of the reason
I did not support Change to a plural noun
reasons
this
statements
is that Fix the agreement mistake
statement
this
Correct determiner usage
the
idea
of
foreign Change preposition
that
visitors
should pay more money
to visit cultural places
is totally wrong because this
lead to bad
image for our country. Correct article usage
a bad
Also
, this
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
feel
unwelcome to foreign Change the verb form
feeling
visitors
to our country because they need to pay extra money
to enjoy historic places
. On top of this
, feeling that they are not treated equal
as the rest of the society might Change the adjective
equally
ofend
them. Correct your spelling
offend
find
For instance
, in most of
Change preposition
apply
countries
tourists are welcome and public spaces offer them the best service and prices to make sure they will return the following year.
Another reason why I do not support Add a comma
countries,
this
statement is that cultural places
Add the comma(s)
, as well as historic buildings,
as well as
historic buildings might have to close because of not having enought
Correct your spelling
enough
money
to maintain them in well
Correct word choice
good
Fix the agreement mistake
condition
conditions
Fix the agreement mistake
condition
due to
the fewer visitors
every year. This
might be because foreign tourists might decide not coming
back Change the verb form
to come
due to
the necessity of making a
extra payment. On top of Change the article
an
this
, this
is an illogical way of treating tourist
and they might decide to spread the Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
idea
of not visiting any more our country. To illustratre
my point, many developed countries have Correct your spelling
illustrate
suffer
from losing tourists Change the verb form
suffered
due to
high
cost of living Correct article usage
the high
such
renting
a hotel or buying food so they abandon the Change preposition
as renting
idea
of comign
back, and Correct your spelling
coming
this
lead
to many people Replace the word
led
loosing
their jobs.
In conclusion, foreign Replace the word
losing
visitors
should not be asked to pay more for visiting
historic and cultural Change preposition
to visit
places
because they might decided
not Change the verb form
decide
be decided
coming
back to visit these Change the verb form
to come
places
and they might feel offended, so I strongly support the idea
of not asking them for extra money
and they should be treated the same way as the local people.Submitted by cuevas14dic on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, which makes it difficult to follow your arguments at times. Try using clear paragraphing and ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea, providing clear topic sentences at the beginning of each. Moreover, use a variety of linking devices to create cohesion between your ideas within and across paragraphs.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic, but your response is not fully developed. Be sure to fully answer all parts of the prompt, providing a more detailed explanation of your position and discussing the implications of the issue. It is important to expand on your ideas with clear and detailed examples or reasons to support your arguments, which will help achieve a complete response and clearer, more comprehensive ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example