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Band 4.5

Some people prefer young leaders, while others think that senior managers have the experience. What do you think?

#people #leaders #managers
Leadership
 qualities
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the utmost
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
 skill in
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives. Some
prefers
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 the young generation's
leadership
while
 others prefer the older
people
due to
tehy
Correct your spelling
them
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 more
experience
. I think senior managers are most suitable for leaders.
This
 essay discusses it briefly for the
folowing
Correct your spelling
following
 reasons. On the one hand, the senior
mangers
Correct your spelling
managers
show examples
 are the perfect
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
leaders in companies and countries too because they have more years of
experience
while
 they face many ups and downs in their career in order to they can handle all the problems easily.
In addition
, employees are able to work
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more
comfortable
Change the word
comfortably
show examples
 under the senior
mangers's
Remove the s
mangers'
show examples
leadership
 because they have
maintain
Change the verb form
maintained
show examples
 a
narmony
Correct your spelling
harmony
 relationship
betweeen teh
Correct your spelling
between the
 employer and
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
employee
.
thus
, conflicts might be reduced.
For instance
, many companies CEO
positions
 are decorated by the elder
people
.
As a result
,
comapnies
Correct your spelling
companies
 get more profits and productivity under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experienced
people
's
leadership
.
On the other hand
, young blood is needed for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
positions
 whether
tehy
Correct your spelling
they
 have
experience
 or not because they can work and lead a
company
 with more energy and new methods in order to
companies'
Change noun form
increase the company's
show examples
 growth and profit might be increased.
Moreover
, many young persons have finished
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leadership
 courses
while
 they can learn everything about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leaderships
Fix the agreement mistake
leadership
show examples
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they do not need
experience
 to sit
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
.
For example
, Google
company
's CEO is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
young blood,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 his
appointed
Replace the word
appointment
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
company
 got more profits
as well as
 expanded across the world
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the number one place
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 his
leadership
 skills.
Therefore
, the young
people
 have more knowledge and skills to decorate the senior
positions
 in
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
.
To conclude
, despite young
people
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 more knowledge about
leadership
 skills and education to decorate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
positions
, senior
people
 have more years of
experience
 in their career in order to they can
mangae
Correct your spelling
manage
 all
crictical
Correct your spelling
critical
 situations easily by their
experience
.
However
, I think the senior individuals are the suitable persons for leaders and it brings more benefits.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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task achievement
Your introduction is notable for setting the topic, but it should present a clearer overview of your argument without grammatical errors. Try implementing a more nuanced thesis statement that reflects the complexity of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
While you have attempted to structure your essay logically, the transition between ideas can be improved. Employ a variety of cohesive devices and ensure that paragraphing is clear and logical. Avoid repetitive sentence openings to keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. The examples you provided are somewhat generic and could be strengthened with concrete details and statistics for higher impact. Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and elaborates on this with relevant evidence.
task achievement
The essay attempts to cover contrasting viewpoints, which is positive for the task response score. Ensure that all parts of the task are addressed with sufficient focus and try to engage more critically with the question prompt, considering implications and offering deeper insights.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. Good grammar and varied vocabulary are crucial to clarity and can have a substantial impact on your coherence score.
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