some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsabilities.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people believe that the teenage
is
Verb problem
years are
show examples
the best
time
Use synonyms
of their
life
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
others think adult is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
joyful
time
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
of
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
of responsibilities. I will explain both views
further
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, During
teenage
Correct article usage
the teenage
show examples
, Children enjoy their
life
Use synonyms
to the fullest because as they don’t have any responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
, household work etc. they spend their quality
time
Use synonyms
with friends, games or in school as parents never want their kids to indulge in any tension .
For instance
Linking Words
During
covid
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
some people
losses
Replace the word
lost
show examples
their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
and they got a loss in their
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
but none of the parents stopped
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schooling or any other basic
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
of their kids even though they were suffering from financial crunches.
Although
Linking Words
guardians brought
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
for them to attend online classes. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand, as believed by some
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
adult age is the best
time
Use synonyms
to cherish your
life
Use synonyms
moments in spite of several responsibilities because
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
age you are financially independent and
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
not to seek any permission from your adults.
For example
Linking Words
, if you want to go out for a movie
along with
Linking Words
friends
easily
Rephrase
apply
show examples
you can go out. In
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
you realize the value of
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
care and their ethics
how
Change preposition
in how
show examples
they raised you as now you are in their
shoe
Fix the agreement mistake
shoes
show examples
. I firmly believe that, whether it is
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
or
teenage
Correct your spelling
teenagers
show examples
both
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
their own experience and learning we should enjoy
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
each moment of our
life
Use synonyms
, “AGE IS JUST NUMBERS”
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
well said by
French
Add an article
a French
show examples
author.
Submitted by preetiaug25 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While you presented a clear position throughout the response, the main points in the essay could be more fully developed and extended. Try to provide more detailed explanations and expand on your ideas to create a deeper, more nuanced argument.
coherence cohesion
The organization of your essay needs improvement for better logical progression and coherence. Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme that is fully elaborated upon.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: