some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsabilities.

Most
of
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
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people believe that the teenage
is
Verb problem
years are
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the best
time
of their
life
while
others think adult is
the
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a
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joyful
time
instead
of
lot
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a lot
show examples
of responsibilities. I will explain both views
further
.
Firstly
, During
teenage
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the teenage
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, Children enjoy their
life
to the fullest because as they don’t have any responsibility
of
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for
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job
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the job
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, household work etc. they spend their quality
time
with friends, games or in school as parents never want their kids to indulge in any tension .
For instance
During
covid
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
some people
losses
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lost
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their
job
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jobs
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and they got a loss in their
business
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businesses
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but none of the parents stopped
the
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apply
show examples
schooling or any other basic
need
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needs
show examples
of their kids even though they were suffering from financial crunches.
Although
guardians brought
phone
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phones
show examples
for them to attend online classes. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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hand, as believed by some
persons
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people
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adult age is the best
time
to cherish your
life
moments in spite of several responsibilities because
in
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at
show examples
this
age you are financially independent and
have
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do have
show examples
not to seek any permission from your adults.
For example
, if you want to go out for a movie
along with
friends
easily
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apply
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you can go out. In
this
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this,
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you realize the value of
parents
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parents'
parent's
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care and their ethics
how
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in how
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they raised you as now you are in their
shoe
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shoes
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. I firmly believe that, whether it is
adult
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adults
show examples
or
teenage
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teenagers
show examples
both
age
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ages
show examples
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
their own experience and learning we should enjoy
the
Remove the article
apply
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each moment of our
life
, “AGE IS JUST NUMBERS”
Add a missing verb
is
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well said by
French
Add an article
a French
show examples
author.
Submitted by preetiaug25 on

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task achievement
While you presented a clear position throughout the response, the main points in the essay could be more fully developed and extended. Try to provide more detailed explanations and expand on your ideas to create a deeper, more nuanced argument.
coherence cohesion
The organization of your essay needs improvement for better logical progression and coherence. Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme that is fully elaborated upon.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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