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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Education is not a luxury, but a basic human right and as such should be free for everyone irrespective of personal wealth. Do you agree or disagree?

#education #luxury #right #wealth
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In
this
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 present world,
education
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 is considered by many to be a very crucial part of life. The studies should be available
for
Change preposition
to
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 everyone. In my opinion, I firmly agree that schooling must be costless without regard to
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
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 circumstances of
families
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 as it will help the
country
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 grow
along with
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 the citizens.
Also
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, there should be more
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government funded
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government-funded
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 public
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school
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schools
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as well as
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 universities which can give access to all citizens of
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
a country
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.
To begin
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 with,
the
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apply
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education
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 is one of
a
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the
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 fundamental
right
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rights
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 of everyone that should be accessible to everyone. By making it free of cost, it ensures that each person is equally provided
the
Add the preposition
with the
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 platform and
furthermore
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,
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduces
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 social disparities.
For Example
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, there are around 130 billion population in India which does require a
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government funded
Add a hyphen
government-funded
show examples
school
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 or alternative, financial subsidiaries offered to the private
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 which allow access to the
families
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instead
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 of disparities on
based of
Verb problem
the
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 financial status of
families
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.
Furthermore
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, if any child born
in
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into
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 poor
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families
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family
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 which possibly get a basic
education
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 in the
country
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and
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apply
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any scholarship can be given by
government
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 to the students who has
a
Correct article usage
the
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 potential to become a doctor or engineer. They can be an asset to the nation. Importantly,
such
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 highly talented skilled
person
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people
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 can benefit
to
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
therefore
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, the nation should have a single
education
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policies
Correct the article-noun agreement
policy
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 and
centralised
Correct article usage
a centralised
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 system.
For example
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, all states have
a
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apply
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different
education
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policy
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policies
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 in India which collapsed the
education
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 system and
also
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, it will be challenging
to
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
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to
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doing
Wrong verb form
do
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an
Correct article usage
a
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inter
Correct word choice
apply
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states
Fix the agreement mistake
state
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 transfer within the
country
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. To summarise, the
government
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 should have a centralised budget,
education
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 policies and cost-free
education
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the people of
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
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. There should be more
Use synonyms
government funded
Add a hyphen
government-funded
show examples
school
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 which can discourage to support the
wealthy
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of wealthy
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families
Use synonyms
 and talented people can get a platform which
benefit
Change the verb form
benefits
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to
Change preposition
apply
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the development of
nation
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the nation
a nation
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. (309)
Submitted by patel.bhavesh870 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure with each paragraph focusing on a single idea. Use cohesive devices appropriately to link your ideas and paragraphs together seamlessly.
Task Achievement
Aim to fully respond to all parts of the task. Your introduction should outline the purpose of the essay, and your conclusion should summarize your main points effectively. Be specific and directly address the essay prompt throughout your response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental right
  • accessible
  • social mobility
  • personal and professional development
  • overall development
  • equality
  • social disparities
  • access
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