IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say full time students should spend most of time studying; others believe that they should do other activities as well.To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #time #students #activities
A group of individuals believe that
full-timetime
Correct your spelling
full-time
 pupils have to spend their maximum
time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying in academic institutions
while
 others think that they need to engage in extra-curricular
activities
. I completely disagree with the idea of spending most of
time
Correct pronoun usage
my time
show examples
 studying rather than being involved with other
activities
.
To begin
 with, the college/
university
 is an important academic centre where
full-timetime
Correct your spelling
full-time
 students pass their
time
 learning new things
according to
 guidance by teachers based on the prescribed syllabus. Needless to say, concentration is the prime attribute a
student
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to have to obtain a good
result
 in an academic career. By spending most of the
time
 studying, a learner not only ensures full concentration but
also
 a good
result
 which will add benefits to the
student
 in his future professional career.
For example
, most of the renowned universities in Bangladesh do not allow any pupils to take
university
 admission tests without having good academic results. If any
student
 wants to get admission to a good
university
, they have to show their dedication to secure a good academic
result
.
On the other hand
, a large number of renowned organizations prefer those applicants who have extra-curricular
activities
such
 as communication
skills
, networking, advanced computer knowledge, and presentation
skills
along with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good academic
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
.
Moreover
, the earth has been considered a global village these days which means
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
students have to develop their interpersonal
skills
 in their college/
university
 life so that they can compete with the global candidates.
For instance
, maximum technology-based companies
such
 as Google, Facebook, and Apple always searching for competent job applicant who has good academic
result
as well as
 good interpersonal
skills
. To cope with a global competition, a
student
 must have extra-curricular
activities
along with
 good educational qualifications. In conclusion, considering the factors discussed above, I firmly believe that a
student
 must focus on developing with other
activities
along with
 spending most of the
time
 studying.
Submitted by faisalmahamood on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic, which is developed logically, with each sentence contributing to the development of the argument or narrative.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion should be present and clearly state your position on the topic, reflecting the question posed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop main points with specific examples or evidence, and make sure they are relevant to the question and support your position.
Task Achievement
Your essay should answer all parts of the question, demonstrating an understanding of the topic with a complete response.
Task Achievement
Present clear, comprehensive ideas that progress logically throughout your essay, ensuring your view is articulated and elaborated on.
Task Achievement
Include a balance of general assertions with specific, relevant examples that demonstrate the validity of your ideas within the context of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!