Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not have strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#countries #ages #people #drink #laws #policy

There

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

a proportion of countries that enforce a legal age requirement for the consumption of alcohol, whilst other nations negate the use of

such

laws

. In

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will discuss why I agree with the notion of having a set age for drinking and form a conclusion.

Firstly

, alcohol can have detrimental effects on the body and is classified as an addictive substance. Repeated and recreational use of

this

fluid has an adverse effect on the liver and brain.

Furthermore

, underage drinking promotes addictive behaviours from an earlier stage with many youths

also

turning to recreational drugs as a way of coping with adolescence.

For instance

, examinations may encourage regular drinking as a coping mechanism causing an increased likelihood of dependency.

Secondly

, alcohol and responsibility are interlinked and one must be emotionally mature to handle

such

a substance.

For example

, governmental

laws

in most countries permit the use of driving after 18.

This

means that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

people who are abusing from a young age will most likely be involved with other reckless activity,

such

as driving. Not only does

this

put innocent lives at risk but

also

their own.

On the other hand

, a more relaxed approach encourages awareness and is likely to decrease curiosity. Teenagers are rebellious in nature and the active act of keeping something away from them appeals to them more. If the

laws

of society are open and

allows

Change the verb form

allow

show examples

teenagers to consume as they please,

then

they are less likely to rebel or be curious about something

that is

unattainable to them.

Moreover

, as they grow they will have likely grown out of

this

party phase and are

therefore

more likely to focus on occupations and career avenues. In conclusion, it is advisable that there are set

laws

in place for drinking as underage activity promotes addictive behaviour and dependency.

Submitted by abeera2012 on Tue Dec 19 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear, logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Transition sentences can significantly improve the flow between paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and mainly well-handled, but the conclusion would benefit from a more developed explanation of your own stance.

coherence cohesion

While main points are supported, there could be a more in-depth exploration of considerations on both sides of the argument.

task achievement

Make sure to fully address all parts of the task. This includes discussing both viewpoints and providing your opinion. Your own opinion needs to be clearer and more explicitly stated.

task achievement

Develop more comprehensive ideas with further exploration and explanation. This will strengthen the essay's argument and impact.

task achievement

Include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This concretes the argument and demonstrates an understanding of the topic on a deeper level.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

305 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Legal drinking age
Underage drinking
Health repercussions
Addiction
Drunk-driving
Responsible drinking
Forbidden fruit
Social rituals
Public health
Safety framework
Risks of alcohol
Cultural differences

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