IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days there are a lot of different types of activities that involve some level of
risk
Use synonyms
. The ability to take
risks
Use synonyms
 is crucial for humans and has
prons
Correct your spelling
pros
show examples
 and cons
as well as
Linking Words
 for personal lives and for work. First of all,
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
positive
Add an article
the positive
show examples
 impact of taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 for the
achivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
 in
sports
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 and a career.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
essay
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the essay
an essay
show examples
 will make a notion about
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
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 consequences of taking
risks
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. It is obvious, that
such
Linking Words
activity
Correct article usage
an activity
show examples
 as
Use synonyms
sport
Correct article usage
a sport
show examples
claime
Correct your spelling
claims
 to be brave and could be risky. Participating in dangerous activities brings valuable results in
sports
Use synonyms
. There are a lot of sportsmen that are ready to take
risks
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 in terms to win on the Olympic Games,
for example
Linking Words
. For employees to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risky person could
also
Linking Words
 bring a valuable result
such
Linking Words
 as promotion.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is often necessary to take
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 to achieve something, especially in
sports
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 or at work.
As well as
Linking Words
risk
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a positive impact on
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 results or professional life, it could bring some problems.
Sport
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 often
involve
Correct subject-verb agreement
involves
show examples
 a
risk
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 of traumas.
For example
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
sport
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 as mountain
motocycle
Correct your spelling
motorcycle
 is quite dangerous. During
competition
Correct article usage
the competition
show examples
 there are a lot of participants
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 injured.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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 they couldn't
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
countinue
Correct your spelling
continue
 their
Use synonyms
sport career
Fix the agreement mistake
sports careers
show examples
 anymore. In the professional field, it is quite possible to lose
job
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a job
show examples
 or even business because underestimated the ability to take
risks
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. In my opinion, the advantages of taking
risks
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outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the disadvantages because of the possibility
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future life improvement. Without taking
risks
Use synonyms
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 results couldn't be
achived
Correct your spelling
achieved
archived
,
as well as
Linking Words
professional
Change the word
professionally
show examples
.

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task response
Ensure the essay directly addresses the question being asked. Address whether the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages with a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay clearly with an introductory paragraph stating your main argument, body paragraphs for each point, and a conclusion. Use a range of cohesive devices to aid flow.
coherence cohesion
Use specific examples to support your arguments. Avoid vague statements by providing concrete evidence or scenarios.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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