IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school
Few argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the best way is
teachers
Change preposition
for teachers
show examples
trained
Change the verb form
to train
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pupils
 through team
sports
 at school.
Although
i
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I
show examples
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 with
this
 viewpoint and think
puplis
Correct your spelling
people
 will
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
 confident and
cooperated
Wrong verb form
cooperate
show examples
 with each other when they play
sports
 together and will justify my stance with
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
. Exploring my main stance, one pivotal point to consider is
sports
 can boost unity among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of children for many reasons. when
sports
 leads to each player in team
sports
has
Wrong verb form
having
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 their own specific duty in the game,
therefore
 the result of a game will
be depend
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depend
show examples
 on the abilities to organize players and teamwork.
For instance
, in
basketball
Add a comma
basketball,
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 each player
have
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has
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 to understand all six players
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
ground
Add an article
the ground
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 and
accordingly
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accordingly,
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 they pass the ball to each other with unity and play
game
Correct article usage
the game
show examples
.
However
, these types of situations are able to teach them skills on how to handle misunderstandings effectively.
Secondly
, it's important to recognise
slightly
Rephrase
apply
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that by playing games
pupils
also
 learn
value
Add an article
the value
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 of life it
trained
Wrong verb form
trains
show examples
 students, they
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have patience because
always
Correct pronoun usage
it always
show examples
 life
demand
Change the verb form
demands
show examples
 it for growth.
Thirdly
, it
also
 trained students to not
loss
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lose
show examples
 temperament.
For example
, In
cricket
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cricket,
show examples
 there is
five
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
 test match which is played by two opponents and
reslut
Correct your spelling
result
 all
players
Correct article usage
the players
show examples
 have to wait for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 five days. In conclusion, despite schools
gave
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 great plate-form to
pupils
 for life, my significant accordance is with the nation that schools should teach
pupils
 by
giveing
Correct your spelling
giving
 them great opportunity play different games from
this
 they
also
 physically fit as compared to others.
Submitted by shubhashish.bobby on

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logical structure
The essay struggles with logical structure, as ideas are somewhat dispersed and lack clear progression. Consider organizing the essay into clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a single idea or argument, with logical connectors to ensure smooth transitions between points.
introduction conclusion present
The presence of an introduction and conclusion is noted but they need to be clearer in presenting the thesis statement and summarizing the main points. Work on crafting a concise and strong thesis statement, and ensure the conclusion effectively encapsulates the essay's key arguments.
supported main points
The main points are not well-supported with coherent arguments and demonstrations. Strengthen main points by providing clear, well-developed arguments, and support them with relevant examples or evidence.
complete response
The essay partially responds to the task, but it lacks a complete and fully developed argument to address the prompt. Expand on the points made to fully explain and support your viewpoint, and ensure that the essay directly addresses the question throughout.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Aim to present each point in an organized manner, with clear explanations and supporting details that are directly related to the topic.
relevant specific examples
The examples provided are relevant but lack specificity and development. Use specific, detailed examples to more effectively illustrate your points and demonstrate how they support your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
What to do next:
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