The cultures of many countries around the world becomes more similar than they used to be. What are the reasons for this trend? Is it positive or negative?

#cultures #countries #world #trend

The majority of cultures are becoming alike throughout the world. There are several reasons for

this

. In

this

essay I will explain why cheap air travel, and developing tourism are the reasons for

this

trend and, in my opinion, it is a positive trend because it promotes a peaceful multicultural environment.

Firstly

, inexpensive flights make it easy for

people

to travel to other countries as they can afford them. In

such

a way,

people

will explore new traditions and exchange their customs with the locals.

Moreover

, not only will they expand their knowledge about other cultures, but

also

spread it to their cultural groups. The public shares each other's beliefs, and thereby, adapts these.

For instance

, since Air India became pocket-friendly, more foreigners are visiting

Golden

Correct article usage

the Golden

show examples

Temple Amritsar on Diwali.

Additionally

, these

people

started celebrating Diwali in their nations as well.

Secondly

, governments of many states are spending a plethora of money on

tourist

places to attract more visitors from overseas.In fact, they are introducing vacation packages at discounts, and advertise them internationally.

Furthermore

, these

tourist

attractions represent a country's culture and influence foreign visitors.

For example

, The Indian government has spent millions of rupees on The Jaipur Museum as it is one of the largest

tourist

destination

Change to a plural noun

destinations

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in India which displays Indian jewellery.

Therefore

, Indian jewellery has been introduced

Change preposition

show examples

American trend.

Finally

, it is a great development which leads to good things as it promotes multicultural surroundings. By sharing each other's cultural heritage,

people

develop good understanding

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and live peacefully together. In conclusion, cultural similarities are occurring in many nations because of air flights of reasonable prices, and the development of

tourist

areas, and it leads to a positive development as it encourages peace and understanding in humans living in diverse

society

Fix the agreement mistake

societies

show examples

Submitted by sran2000amandeep on Tue Dec 19 2023

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introduction conclusion present

Ensure the introduction sets the tone for the essay with a clear thesis statement outlining the discussion to follow. While present, the introduction could be sharper in focus.

logical structure

The essay requires a more varied structure in terms of paragraphing and linking. Cohesion can be improved by better use of linking words and phrases that show relationships between ideas.

supported main points

Main points need to be expanded upon with more elaborate supporting information. This may include more detailed examples, explanations, and analyses.

complete response

The response addresses the task, but there are opportunities for deeper exploration of the ideas presented to provide a more complete and thorough discussion.

clear comprehensive ideas

Ideas were conveyed clearly; however, exploring these ideas in greater detail and complexity would improve the comprehensiveness of the response.

relevant specific examples

While examples were used to support the points made, they could be more detailed and specific to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issues at hand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

294 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Globalization
Cultural exchange
Homogenous
Cultural convergence
Multinational corporations
Cultural diversity
Cultural homogenization
Cultural richness
Cultural identities
Preserving
Erosion
Dominance
Technological advancements
Consumer culture
International understanding

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The cultures of many countries around the world becomes more similar than they used to be. What are the reasons for this trend? Is it positive or negative?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people said professionals such as doctors or engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training while other said they should be free to work in another country

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The large amount of time and money that is spent on conserving wildlife would be better spent on improving the lives of humans. To what extent do you agree or disagree