Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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day and life,
music
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has been a symbol of happiness. some
people
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believe that
music
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is Something that can bring
people
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of different nations and ages together. I completely agree with
this
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statement
To begin
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with,
Music
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is a symbol of art.
Music
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that can be listened to by each and every person in
this
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world regardless of age, social status, and gender.
This
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is because
Music
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does not need the same language to be understood as long as it has a wonderful melody that can touch our hearts and resonate with our minds.
For Example
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, Korean pop
music
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is currently well-known in every part of the world engaging
people
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from different countries and cultures
and
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apply
show examples
it can unite
people
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from different stages of age
music
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that can make
people
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content with the unique feeling resulting from the dynamic range of
music
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types that can generate happiness joy or love and affection.
On the other hand
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,
music
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can be enjoyed with various forms of arts and performances, festivals, concerts or live
music
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are the particular types of shows that we can easily watch with our buddies or loved ones. They might speak different languages or do not know much about each other's cultures but they have a common language which is the
music
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itself. The audience are
also
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from different countries and speak different languages but they all enjoy the performances. In conclusion, In my opinion,
music
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is the common language in the world which plays a key role in uniting
people
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across all age groups
as well as
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from different cultural backgrounds
Submitted by hadiashahid331 on

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It's important to have an introduction and conclusion that clearly define your thesis and summarize your arguments, which you have done. You could enhance your introduction and conclusion to have a stronger impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has main points that support your argument, but they need further development and depth. Use more detailed examples and deeper analysis to strengthen your arguments.
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Make sure to fully address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument, even if you have a strong opinion towards one. This shows a full understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are clear but could be expressed more comprehensively. Work on developing your ideas further and showing how they relate to the question.
Task Achievement
Include relevant examples to support your claims. While you've provided an example with Korean pop music, adding more specific, varied examples would strengthen your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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