IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think government should tax unhealthy food to encourage people to begin to eat more healthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #government #tax #food #foods
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It is widely believed that increasing the tax on unhealthy
food
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options
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 encourages individuals to alternate their lifestyles into a more healthy diet. Personally, I can neither completely agree nor disagree with
this
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 statement for a variety of reasons. I partly agree that increasing the cost of unhealthy, detrimental
food
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 items can encourage individuals to consume healthier alternatives considering the prices of weight-inducing
products
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. When unhealthy
food
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 becomes more expensive, people are more likely to reconsider their choices to fit with their budget,
therefore
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 forcing them to seek healthier
food
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options
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.
For example
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, if the cost of a sugary beverage is significantly higher than a bottle of juice, many individuals will be more inclined to choose the cheaper option,
hence
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, reducing the amount of calorie consumption.
On the other hand
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, I disagree with the viewpoint of raising the prices of unhealthy
food
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options
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.
This
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 is because the problem of obesity relies far beyond the factor of money, it is
also
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 dependent on other social aspects including cultural influences, and psychological factors that all contribute to shaping an individual's eating habits.
As a result
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 of
this
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, tackling the problem by increasing the pricing of less nutritious
options
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 does not address the underlying factors. If people choose to consume detrimental
food
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options
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, increasing the price does not create much impact considering they already inherit the habit of eating so.
Therefore
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, without effectively addressing the roots of the issue, which can be done through educating, and enabling clearer
food
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 labeling, increasing the price of unhealthy
products
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 is an ineffective solution. In conclusion,
although
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 increasing the tax on unhealthy
products
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 to encourage a healthier lifestyle can be effective to a certain extent, I'm convinced that it is more crucial to approach the problem in more aspects through education rather than focusing on the cost of
products
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 only.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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introduction/conclusion advice
Provide a clear introduction that outlines your position succinctly. Ensure that you have a conclusion that restates your main points and opinion.
logical structure advice
Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, with each main idea introduced with a topic sentence and supported with specific examples or further explanations. Transition smoothly between ideas.
main points support advice
Strive to develop your main ideas fully by providing specific examples and explaining how these relate to your argument. Always link back to the question directly.
task response advice
Clearly establish your viewpoint in the introduction, develop it through the body of the essay, and summarize or restate it in the conclusion. Address the task comprehensively by fully responding to each part of the prompt.
cohesive devices advice
Use a wider range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions, pronouns, and synonyms to link ideas and paragraphs together more clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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