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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the results of three surveys on absenteeism in a particular European country in the years 2000, 2005 and 2010. The results show the reasons people gave for not going to work. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the results of three surveys on absenteeism in a particular European country in the years 2000, 2005 and 2010. The results show the reasons people gave for not going to work. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#results #three #surveys #absenteeism #european #country #years #show #people #work #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart illustrates the results of
survey
Add an article
a survey
show examples
 where
people
 explained the reasons for being absent
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 work in a European region in
threee
Correct your spelling
three
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
, namely
2000,2005
Change preposition
between 2000,2005
show examples
 and 2010.
Overall
, the highest
percentage
 of
people
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 illness as their reason ,
while
 stressful situations were their
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 fraction. It can be seen that
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
people
 with their personal needs has grown through
given
Correct article usage
a given
show examples
 period. In the first given
year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
this
 was under 15% and
this
percentage
 significantly increased by 25% in 2010.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
people
 with illness reasons went down from under 45% in 2000 to 35% in 2010.
Also
, the fraction of
people
 with family responsibilities arguments
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 almost at the same level at 25%, and
this
 value was a little bit higher in 2000. The highest level of stress was noticed in 2010,
whereas
 the lowest
percentage
 was in 2005.The
percentage
 of
people
 with unexpected problems
was fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
has fluctuated
show examples
.
Submitted by forcookiearu on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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