IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
It is undeniable that with the boom of society, advertising is becoming increasingly prevalent at an amazing rate. Nowadays tend to place an emphasis on the novelty of their
products
 in various ways. There are various reasons and from my perspective view, it has a negative impact on human lives. There is a wide range of reasons why business companies focus on the novelty of their comedies. The primary reason is that new features of
products
 are more likely to catch people's eyes since they can evoke audiences' curiosity to explore more about them.
For example
, an advertisement demonstrating the new design of a self-driving car might attract customers
due to
 its creativity which is unusual in daily life and
thus
 can boost the sales of
this
 product.
Subsequently
, new features are probably regarded as the future trend by their audience and
thus
 engage
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
customers who want to follow the trend.
For instance
, kids and teenagers, who can be easily influenced by
advertisements
, will choose to buy some of the useless but creative toys in order to catch up with the latest
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
.
Therefore
,
this
 advertising style can be considerably beneficial to the company. Personally, I consider these attractive
advertisements
 to have significantly negative impacts on individuals.
Firstly
, their ways of advertising possibly influence customers' attitudes towards
products
 and
thus
 lead them to buy some unnecessary
products
.
For example
, females, who are the major consumers of some cosmetics
products
, can be easily engaged in new lipsticks and skincare
products
 and
thus
 purchase various useless
products
.
Secondly
, these
advertisements
 will
also
 add extra stress and domestic conflicts to some families. To take an example, children seeing the
advertisements
 of some toys will ask their parents to purchase them, which influences the relationship between family members. In conclusion,
although
 advertising in
this
 way can bring a great deal of benefits to companies, I remain unwavering in my conviction.
Submitted by 609553855 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Make sure you have a clear introduction and conclusion that summarizes your argument effectively. In this essay, the conclusion was present but could have been more concise and clearer in summarizing the main points and the writer's stance.
logical structure
Your essay should have a logical flow of ideas. Try to organize your paragraphs more effectively so that each one builds on the last. Use a variety of linking phrases to better connect your ideas.
supported main points
When you introduce main points in your argument, ensure that they are well-supported by evidence or examples. While you used some examples, you could provide more specific and relevant illustrations to support your arguments.
complete response
To fully address the task, ensure that you provide a complete response to the prompt. Discuss both the reasons for the current trend in advertising and its positive and negative implications thoroughly. Your essay could benefit from deeper analysis and broader coverage of these aspects.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Work on clarity by simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that each paragraph carries a single clear idea that is expanded upon thoroughly.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. The examples you provided were somewhat general and could be improved by including specific details that relate closely to the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
What to do next:
Look at other essays: