Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is argued that
music
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is a tool to unite
people
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across generations and
cultures
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. I agree with that statement because we can learn traditions and
connecting
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connect
show examples
youth, adults, and
olds
Correct your spelling
old
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people
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through a
song
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. In
this
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modern era, learning and understanding
music
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all around the world is an easy way. Through online streaming
music
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, we can listen to
music
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in different
genre
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genres
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across
ages
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and
cultures
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, and it can be a good platform to
knowing
Wrong verb form
know
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over
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about
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cultural diversity.
For example
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, many Indonesian
people
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, especially
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation, love Korean Pop (K-POP)
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song
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songs
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.
This
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phenomenon encourages
young
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the young
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generation to not only enjoy the
music
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but
also
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learn
Korean
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the Korean
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language.
Additionally
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,
people
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who very excited
with
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about
show examples
the
song
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are generally love to know better Korean food, traditional clothes that usually
wear
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worn
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by the singers, and all of
things
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the things
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related to the
music
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.
Hence
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, through
a
Remove the article
music
a piece of music
show examples
music
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,
people
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can have a good
understand
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understanding
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other
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of other
show examples
cultures
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.
Additionally
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,
music
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plays
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
way
to connect
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in connecting
show examples
people
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across the
ages
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. There are several
musics
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types of music
show examples
that no matter how old you are, the
music
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is still relevant over the
ages
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.
For example
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,
national
Correct article usage
the national
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anthem
song
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that
relate
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relates
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to all
of
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apply
show examples
ages
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.
This
Linking Words
type of
music
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is not only connecting across
generation
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generations
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
as a common ground and as an identity for
people
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, especially
people
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who live far away from their home countries. National
music
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also
Linking Words
teach
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teaches
show examples
all generations about the history of every nation.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
music
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is becoming a great way to
interacts
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interact
show examples
with all
over
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apply
show examples
ages
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. In summary,
music
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can unite
people
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across generations and traditions.
This
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kind of
arts
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art
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encourages
people
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to respect diversity and to keep
connect
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connected
show examples
across
ages
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and
cultures
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.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Ensure you provide a more detailed conclusion. While you have summarized your points, reinforcing the essay's arguments with a brief recap would enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Focus on maintaining coherence by linking ideas more clearly. While the points made are logical, smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas could be improved.
coherence cohesion
Consider revising sentence structures for clarity and grammatical accuracy. Some sentences are slightly awkward due to minor grammatical issues, which could distract the reader.
task achievement
The essay's introduction effectively states your opinion and establishes the main reasons supporting your view.
task achievement
You used relevant cultural examples, such as the influence of K-Pop, which adds depth to your essay.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of music's role in cultural and generational connection, which aligns well with the prompt.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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