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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think is the cause of this? What solution can you suggest?

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Stress-related sickness is one of the serious problems that humankind is facing these days, with a concerning increase in reported cases. There are two primary causes, and some solutions should be proposed to address these pressing
issues
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.
To begin
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 with, there are several contributing causes to
this
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 phenomenon. Perhaps the most crucial cause is the perpetuated toxic productivity culture.
In other words
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, people nowadays glorify hustle and overwork as their daily habits, and they correlate them with success. Another possible cause is the view of mental
health
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issues
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that
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is
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are
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 trivialized because it is always associated with weak faith.
Therefore
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, people often deny their stress level, causing more burnout effects that adversely impact their physical performance. To address the problems, some measures should be taken.
Firstly
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, the proliferation of mental
health
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 campaigns should be increased, specifically within critical institutions
such
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 as schools and companies. We need to create new environments that promote the spirit of work-life balance.
Furthermore
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, people become more aware of the right time to take a break, leading to positive rebound effects on
overall
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 productivity efficiency.
In addition
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, the government should come forward to ensure that
health
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 insurance is not only provided for physical-related sickness
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 mental
health
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issues
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.
This
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 can be a progressive action to gain awareness about stress and burnout by institutionalizing them into the
health
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 system.
To conclude
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, stress-related illness has been a serious problem today. The root of
this
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 issue includes a toxic productivity culture and the negative stigma of mental
health
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issues
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.
This
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 problem can be solved through the combined efforts of the schools, companies, and government.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed and supported throughout the paragraph. The connection between ideas can be strengthened to enhance the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Include a range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, synonyms, and pronouns to ensure the cohesion of the essay. Avoid overusing these devices to prevent redundancy.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task with relevant, extended, and supported ideas. The premises that you present should always lead to a logical conclusion along with clear solutions or opinions on the topic presented.
task achievement
Use a range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to express ideas clearly and precisely. Be careful with over-generalizations and always try to provide specific examples to support points made in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • stress-related illnesses
  • hypertension
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • modern lifestyle
  • work pressure
  • technological advancements
  • social pressures
  • material wealth
  • work-life balance
  • mindfulness
  • meditation
  • stress management
  • flexible working hours
  • telecommuting
  • mandatory vacation
  • educational programs
  • mental health
  • supportive work environment
  • counseling services
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