People nowadays are more interested in technology rather than their physical fitness .to what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many people are busy with different use of gadgets for their personal purposes and they can not spend much time looking after their physical improvement.
Therefore
,I firmly agree with this
statement and I will discuss my viewpoints further
in this
essay.
On the one hand, technologies are playing a significant role in human life such
as Smartphone
, laptops,and Fix the agreement mistake
Smartphones
Tv
which make daily life more comfortable, Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
and
easier ,and save time.Correct word choice
apply
Firstly
,a person even can shop online also
able to order food . Secondly
, adolescents and employees are doing proper utilization by applying such
platforms. For example
, during COVID-19 all types of people especially pupils and staff were fully dependent on social platforms. In addition
, locals are able to get connected via technological advancement all over the world as a result
they are becoming much more reliant on tech especially those who are busy in office or business.
Besides
,though there are a plethora amount of benefits there are few
drawbacks, Correct article usage
a few
such
as excessive use of technologies. Individuals are not aware of their health as a result
, increasing obesity, eye issues, nerve problems, weight gain,and mental illness are very common.For instance
, entities are more interested in using mobile and computers instead
of going to the gym, jogging and other free hand exercise
Change the wording
another free hand exercise
other free hand exercises
as a result
they tend to homesick day by day and easier
than before.Correct word choice
more easily
Additionally
, we should eat fresh food and maintain a standard lifestyle.
In conclusion, technological platforms are for our comfort and to save us time however
,it is known to all that take care of our health properly otherwise
,we will suffer in the near future.Submitted by hashi4728 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs to have a clearer structure with well-defined paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and present a clear argument. Use linking words effectively to enhance the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you have both an introduction and a conclusion. Your introduction should outline the points you will discuss, and your conclusion should summarize your arguments without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Your supporting points require more development. Provide specific details, examples, and explanations to back up your main points. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the prompt, but it could be more fully developed. Be sure to explore both sides of the argument if the prompt asks for this, and make your own stance clear.
task achievement
Aim for clarity in expressing your ideas. Organize your essay in a way that makes it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning. This includes clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your viewpoints. This adds credibility to your argument and shows a deeper understanding of the topic.
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