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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #years #time #people’s #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibility
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Some argue that the happiest moments in
people
’s
lives
 are the teenage
years
,
while
 others suggest that in spite of greater responsibilities,
adult
life
 is happier.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
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adult
life
 is happier in terms of freedom, I believe the care-free attitude during the teenage days makes it more joyful. During
adulting
Replace the word
adulthood
show examples
,
people
 enjoy more freedom, which correlates to
happiness
.
People
 are not governed by their parents anymore during
this
 time, and legally they are
also
 allowed to do a lot of things, which were not allowed during their childhood. They become independent, work, and lead their own
lives
 at their own pace, thereby providing a sense of fulfilment, leading to
happiness
.
For example
, after turning eighteen, most
people
 across many countries leave their parents and decide to live independently.
This
 gives the
people
 a sense of accomplishment, creating joy in their
lives
.
However
, I believe the joy of
adult
life
 is short-term and is not
for ever
Correct your spelling
forever
show examples
.
On the contrary
, teenager’s
care-free
Correct your spelling
carefree
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 way of living, indeed, creates true
happiness
, and
such
 a feeling is not felt by
people
 ever again. During the teenage
years
, generally,
people
 have more friends, which fosters socializing and strong bonds between them. Because the world is small for teenagers, they are protected from the
dark-side
Correct your spelling
dark side
show examples
 of the world.
As a result
, almost every moment of their
lives
 is one small burst of
happiness
.
For instance
, a study conducted on a group of
people
 over 50
years
 from the age of 15 till they turned 65 by the University of Cambridge showed that around 90 per cent of these
people
 were happier till 18
years
 age compared to the later
years
.
Therefore
, I believe that it is at
this
 stage of
life
,
one
Correct pronoun usage
that one
show examples
 experiences true
happiness
. In conclusion, teenage days are happier because
people
 spend more time with their friends and make memories that
lasts
Change the verb form
last
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 forever.
While
 during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
life
, the joy of receiving freedom and independence is short-lived.
Submitted by majumdarnilesh21 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer and more specific transitions between paragraphs to enhance flow.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion well.
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