Some argue that patriotism is the primary cause of wars globally. Others feel that it serves to prevent less ethical politicians from running a country and starting wars. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#argue #patriotism #wars #politicians #country

Wars have increased by a great deal recently, primarily because of patriotism.

However

, a politician who is

devouted

Correct your spelling

devoted

to his own country will likely be against violence and bloodshed. In

this

essay, I will discuss why I agree with

this

notion and form a conclusion.

Firstly

, the

prevelance

Correct your spelling

prevalence

of wars occurring globally may be

due to

a heightened sense of pride and nationalism towards one’s own country. The majority of disputes are a direct result of land being taken away from one locality, or injustice prevailing in one domain.

Therefore

, in order to defend

ones’s

Correct your spelling

one’s

show examples

own region there may be attacks carried out against the invader so that

preservation

Correct article usage

the preservation

show examples

of the nation is

insured

Correct your spelling

ensured

show examples

Secondly

, often if a sector is being attacked there is a high likelihood of the loss of a

people

and its community. Each society has a unique identity, in terms of culture, history, arts and language. If

this

society is under threat or being questioned,

then

a war will likely break out in order to

presere

Correct your spelling

preserve

that territory’s culture, history and

people

On the other hand

, having a sense of nationalism towards one’s own country automatically instils a sense of pride and protection.

People

placed in important governmental ranks who

also

posses

Correct your spelling

possess

show examples

such

thoughts

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

will ensure that no harm or danger comes to their

people

. They will maintain an ethical approach and

endeavor

Change the spelling

endeavour

show examples

to maintain peace.

Moreover

, they will make sure no acts of violence are carried out in their homeland as

this

will destroy the natural beauty and facilities they love.

Additionally

, they will have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

moral justice

Change preposition

for

show examples

their own

people

and prevent any

ill natured

Add a hyphen

ill-natured

show examples

activity against themselves or their citizens. In conclusion, it is advisable that patriotism does have a role to play in terror attacks and violence but is

also

helpful in

persevering

Verb problem

preserving

show examples

a nation.

Submitted by abeera2012 on Wed Dec 20 2023

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task achievement

Ensure you provide a clear introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement succinctly. Your introduction was somewhat relevant but lacked a clear thesis.

task achievement

Work on expanding your main points with examples and explanations that are directly relevant to the question. Your essay needs more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments effectively.

coherence cohesion

The essay should be logically organized with clear main points in each paragraph. You should use cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Aim to improve the logical flow and the use of linking words.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion should restate your position clearly and summarise the main points of your essay. While your conclusion addressed the task, it was not fully effective in summarising the essay or stating a clear position.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

303 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

nationalism
xenophobia
aggressive policies
accountability
diplomacy
national unity
ethical political leadership
extreme patriotism
patriotic sentiment
diplomatic solutions
internal conflicts
external conflicts

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Some argue that patriotism is the primary cause of wars globally. Others feel that it serves to prevent less ethical politicians from running a country and starting wars. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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The number of cars has increased significantly in major cities. What problems does this cause and what are some solutions to these problems?

some people think that punishment is the best way of teaching children to behave well. Others believe that it is better to reward children for good behaviour. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.