Some argue that patriotism is the primary cause of wars globally. Others feel that it serves to prevent less ethical politicians from running a country and starting wars. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Wars have increased by a great deal recently, primarily because of patriotism.
However
, a politician who is devouted
to his own country will likely be against violence and bloodshed. In Correct your spelling
devoted
this
essay, I will discuss why I agree with this
notion and form a conclusion.
Firstly
, the prevelance
of wars occurring globally may be Correct your spelling
prevalence
due to
a heightened sense of pride and nationalism towards one’s own country. The majority of disputes are a direct result of land being taken away from one locality, or injustice prevailing in one domain. Therefore
, in order to defend ones’s
own region there may be attacks carried out against the invader so that Correct your spelling
one’s
preservation
of the nation is Correct article usage
the preservation
insured
. Correct your spelling
ensured
Secondly
, often if a sector is being attacked there is a high likelihood of the loss of a people
and its community. Each society has a unique identity, in terms of culture, history, arts and language. If this
society is under threat or being questioned, then
a war will likely break out in order to presere
that territory’s culture, history and Correct your spelling
preserve
people
.
On the other hand
, having a sense of nationalism towards one’s own country automatically instils a sense of pride and protection. People
placed in important governmental ranks who also
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
such
thoughts,
will ensure that no harm or danger comes to their Remove the comma
apply
people
. They will maintain an ethical approach and endeavor
to maintain peace.Change the spelling
endeavour
Moreover
, they will make sure no acts of violence are carried out in their homeland as this
will destroy the natural beauty and facilities they love. Additionally
, they will have a
moral justice Correct article usage
apply
to
their own Change preposition
for
people
and prevent any ill natured
activity against themselves or their citizens.
In conclusion, it is advisable that patriotism does have a role to play in terror attacks and violence but is Add a hyphen
ill-natured
also
helpful in persevering
a nation.Verb problem
preserving
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task achievement
Ensure you provide a clear introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement succinctly. Your introduction was somewhat relevant but lacked a clear thesis.
task achievement
Work on expanding your main points with examples and explanations that are directly relevant to the question. Your essay needs more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay should be logically organized with clear main points in each paragraph. You should use cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Aim to improve the logical flow and the use of linking words.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should restate your position clearly and summarise the main points of your essay. While your conclusion addressed the task, it was not fully effective in summarising the essay or stating a clear position.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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