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Band 6

The consumption of the world’s resources is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are the causes and solutions?

#consumption #world’s #resources #rate
Nowadays, overexploitation of earth’s
resources
, renewable or non-renewable, by humans is evoking dire conditions that impact the environment and civilization.
This
 is mainly derived from deforestation and industrial development. There are a number of solutions which should be adopted to tackle
this
 issue.
Firstly
, owing to the vast growth of population these days, cutting down the trees in the forest is uplifting in order to establish residence for people. Many developers rule out the policy so they gain more profit from that activity.
Moreover
,
this
 condition
also
 jeopardizes the animals and other plants
due to
 the destruction of their habitat;
therefore
, it may provoke soil erosion.
Secondly
,
due to
 the increasing number of factories in several areas, particularly in rural areas near rivers, sea, or forests, they use immense natural
resources
 aimed to operate their industry. In the end, they produce a plethora of waste that can lessen the quality of the earth's
resources
. There are two effective solutions to undertake the overuse of natural
resources
. One way to tackle
this
 is to ensure the government releases a strict policy regarding logging.
By doing
Change preposition
Doing
show examples
this
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will make many companies ponder their actions and save more forests which are natural habitats for many species. Another method of dealing with dangerous rates is monitoring regularly how the industrial factories operate their company.
This
 solution hopefully could contribute to saving the earth from irresponsible action by the company.
To sum up
, establishing regulations about logging and checking on the operation of companies routinely are effective in dealing with the issue. If the government
implemented
Wrong verb form
implements
show examples
 these solutions, dangerous rates caused by overconsumption of natural
resources
 will
deplete
Wrong verb form
be depleted
show examples
.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Transition words and sentences help guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next. Some transitions are present, but further refinement could improve flow and readability.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and functional. However, the conclusion could have been improved by not introducing new ideas or solutions but rather summarizing the main points and their implications or potential impact.
coherence cohesion
There is a good attempt to support main points with explanations. However, providing more specific examples and elaborating on these could strengthen the arguments and add depth to the essay. Consider including relevant data or case studies to back up points made.
task achievement
The response addresses all parts of the task, and ideas are generally clear and well-developed. However, ensure consistent relevance by providing examples directly tied to the points being made for stronger task achievement.
task achievement
While some comprehensive ideas are presented, some parts of the essay show an opportunity for more depth. Ideas should be expanded upon with greater detail to clearly demonstrate understanding and address the task more thoroughly.
task achievement
Specific examples are limited in the response. To enhance the essay, include precise examples that illustrate the causes and solutions of resource overconsumption, such as specific policies, case studies, or statistical findings.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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