With the increased global demand in oil amd gas, undiscovered areas of world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

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Nowadays growing demand of the population and the higher use of
energy
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for daily consumption has increased dramatically
That is
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why the fulfill the power requirement people have started discovering new places to satisfy the demand for
energy
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. But I completely disagree with
this
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argument. First of all, gaining new resources is a good thing but it has some hazardous effects. Environmental risks are the main factors that need to be taken care of, with access to
energy
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in newly discovered areas is a risk of spilling
oil
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on nature
this
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way we put their local habitat in danger. Sometimes by fault, we kill wild animals and unknown species of plants.
For example
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, Studies show that about on earth 26% of the land has been habitual because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
oil
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spill
Fix the agreement mistake
spills
show examples
and fire-prone areas because of getting more valuable resources in new
areasareas
Correct your spelling
areas
.
On the other hand
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, building new and alternative sources of
oil
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and gas needs a significant amount of money that build the power station and the reservoirs to collect the power to use it later. Because of
this
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construction the damage to nature and other habitats.
In addition
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, because of the construction and
energy
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losses increased greenhouse gases.
For instance
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, the newspaper Times shows that because of creating new sources of
energy
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some islands are heavily polluted because of leakage of gases and
oil
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.
Whereas
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, with the leaking of
oil
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and gases increased pollution on earth that’s why undiscovered areas are never opened for gaining new resources. In conclusion,
however
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need for
energy
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has increased but, the need for
energy
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environmental protection and social concerns has increased.
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coherence cohesion
The essay does not develop ideas fully or coherently, leading to issues with the logical structure. To improve, create more structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences followed by supporting statements and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, which is positive, but these need to be more clearly defined. You should state your opinion more explicitly in the introduction and paraphrase it in the conclusion for a more impactful argument.
coherence cohesion
Supporting main points are touched upon but not elaborated sufficiently. Increase the depth of your argument by providing a broader range of ideas and detailed explanations for your main points.
task achievement
The response is incomplete as it does not address all parts of the task; it is one-sided and misses potential counter-arguments. Show a full response by discussing different viewpoints before justifying your position.
task achievement
Ideas presented in the essay are somewhat unclear and not always comprehensive. Strive for clarity by simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that each paragraph has one clear main idea.
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Use relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Examples provided are vague and not fully developed. Research to provide accurate data and real case studies to enhance credibility.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • industrialization
  • economic growth
  • energy security
  • environmental impact
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • indigenous rights
  • renewable resources
  • sustainable development
  • energy conservation
  • technological innovation
  • fossil fuels
  • carbon footprint
  • ecosystems
  • biodiversity
  • exploitation
  • environmental degradation
  • drilling operations
  • resource depletion
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