IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the increased global demand in oil amd gas, undiscovered areas of world should be opened up to access more resources.

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Nowadays growing demand of the population and the higher use of
energy
Use synonyms
 for daily consumption has increased dramatically
That is
Linking Words
 why the fulfill the power requirement people have started discovering new places to satisfy the demand for
energy
Use synonyms
. But I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 argument. First of all, gaining new resources is a good thing but it has some hazardous effects. Environmental risks are the main factors that need to
take
Wrong verb form
be taken
show examples
 care of, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to
energy
Use synonyms
 in newly discovered
areas
Use synonyms
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a risk
to spills
Change preposition
of spilling
show examples
oil
Use synonyms
 on nature
this
Linking Words
 way we put their local habitat in danger. Sometimes by fault, we kill wild animals and unknown species of plants.
For example
Linking Words
, Studies show that about on earth 26% of the land has been habitual because of the
oil
Use synonyms
 spill and fire-prone
areas
Use synonyms
 because of getting more valuable resources in
a new
Correct the article-noun agreement
new areas
a new area
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, building new and alternative sources of
oil
Use synonyms
 and gas needs a significant amount of money that build the power station and the reservoirs to collect the power to use it later. Because of
this
Linking Words
 construction the damage to nature and
another habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
other habitats
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, because of the construction and
energy
Use synonyms
 losses increased greenhouse gases.
For instance
Linking Words
, the newspaper Times shows that because of creating new sources of
energy
Use synonyms
 some islands are heavily polluted because of leakage of gases and
oil
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, with the leaking of
oil
Use synonyms
 and gases increased pollution on earth that’s why undiscovered
areas
Use synonyms
 are never opened for gaining new resources. In conclusion,
however
Linking Words
 need for
energy
Use synonyms
 has increased but, the need for
energy
Use synonyms
 environmental protection and social concerns has increased.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly related to this main idea. Avoid including irrelevant details.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clear logical structure. Use appropriate linking devices to help with the flow of your essay and ensure your ideas progress logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
It is essential to develop your main points adequately. This includes providing specific examples and explanations to support each point, rather than making generalizations.
task achievement
Make sure your response is complete and that you address all parts of the task. Your essay should provide a balanced view that fully covers the topic prompt without omitting any key aspects.
task achievement
Your ideas should be expressed clearly and comprehensively. This involves organizing your thoughts effectively and using a range of grammatical structures and vocabulary to accurately convey your ideas.
task achievement
Back up your points with relevant, specific examples. These examples can be drawn from your own knowledge, experience, or other credible sources. The use of examples helps to substantiate your arguments and make them more convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • industrialization
  • economic growth
  • energy security
  • environmental impact
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • indigenous rights
  • renewable resources
  • sustainable development
  • energy conservation
  • technological innovation
  • fossil fuels
  • carbon footprint
  • ecosystems
  • biodiversity
  • exploitation
  • environmental degradation
  • drilling operations
  • resource depletion
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