Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes(for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extend do you agree or disagree?
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays
it
should Correct your spelling
is
be
unpaid community service Unnecessary verb
apply
be
a required part of secondary school. Now people are beginning to realize that Correct subject-verb agreement
is
for instance
, working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children are necessary for Linking Words
adolescents
school life. Personally ,I tend to think that it is right and in my point of view it should be stayed unpaid.
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescent
Firstly
, it is well known that voluntary activities are beneficial for learners and Linking Words
it
should be Correct pronoun usage
apply
mandatory
part of their education . What I mean here Add an article
a mandatory
are
that students can improve their communication skills. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Caused by
, they Verb problem
Because
are participated
in community Change to the active voice
participate
have participated
job
, and they able to learn Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
enormous
amount of
knowledge about real-life Add an article
an enormous
condition
. Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
Additionally
,they Linking Words
expend
their Correct your spelling
expand
world view
and Correct your spelling
worldview
be
more grateful
for the opportunity which was given Verb problem
become
for
them. Change preposition
to
Likewise
, community Linking Words
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
are
advantageous for
undergraduates academic life .
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
On the other hand
, it can Linking Words
also
be argued that support services should be unpaid and I believe that it is normal .Linking Words
For the
reason that all work should go from Change preposition
The
heart
and to not anticipate that someone will pay for it Correct article usage
the heart
and
it Correct word choice
apply
is
taught us to help Verb problem
has
to disable
individuals , substantiate nature, Verb problem
disabled
to
do good deeds and Verb problem
apply
don’t
expect anything in return.
In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that selfless trial is Verb problem
not
paramount
part of academic and Add an article
a paramount
individuals
life for students and people, and they can give you more valuable lessons than money.Change the noun form
individual
Submitted by dnm.best on
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks clear and logical progression of ideas. Paragraphs are not well-developed, and there is an absence of clear topic sentences to guide the reader through the argument. The use of cohesive devices needs improvement for better clarity and flow.
Task Achievement
The essay does not fully address all parts of the task. While it attempts to provide an opinion, it fails to adequately develop and support that opinion with clear, fully extended and well-supported ideas. It is advisable to offer more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.