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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Recent surveys show increased interest in relocation and travel to other countries. What may be the reason for this Trend and what will be the possible outcome from this behaviour? Provide example for your opinion.

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Nowadays, surveys proposed an increase in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
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 who are interested in relocating to another part of the world ,
however
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, it seems
this
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 issue is a multifacet topic, and certainly, immigration has various types of effects on
life
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 ,like, improving the level of understanding toward a better educational system in a new land and improving in scores of quality of
life
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 because ,some governments and societies have more supportive for immigrants, so, health benefits and job security are the powerful outcomes of the new population regarding immigration,
however
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, I will extend my ideas more in following sentences . Gap differences in the quality of education between developing countries and developed is one of the factors that encourage individuals to relocate to another
place
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 , because , many fantastic laboratories ,academies and universities for some parts of society have a hunger for science ,
therefore
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, they will be happier and useful than their own countries for in modern societies ,
in addition
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 , economic crisis and concerns that are arising toward house problems . food insecurity is the other reason that
people
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 want to immigrate to find a new land ,
however
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, sometimes wars are the unpredictable reason that
people
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 have to leave their own country to live in safety and security . Sometimes,Forces to relocating are created by local
people
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 that have different needs and expectations ,
then
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,some
people
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 have not a good
adaptation
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 to living in these atmosphere , and dissapointed ,social controversies and conflicts between dreams and realities are placing in a high level of pressure for both sides .so, relocating is a solution to survive
life
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 and living in a desired
place
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 ,
for example
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, there are a lot of traditional environment around the world like China , middle east and east Asia that are care of values and beliefs that are designated for extended families nor singular one and might be some part of young population want to change the way of living and they have rejected from their own societies ,alongside , we must caucious about outcomes that are appearing after relocation in both sides ,
for example
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,
adaptation
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 for elderly is chllangable and they are not be able to communicate in new culture ,
however
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, health benefits and long
life
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 expactency that are coming after immagiration are more powerful than
adaptation
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 , because, if there was
adaptation
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 never
people
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 have never left own homecountries . In conclusion, relocating is a multifacet issue that has been seen many times nowadays regarding wars, health problems, and economic crises,
however
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, there are some negative points to relocating from one
place
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 to another, I believe when
people
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 have decided to leave land to find a living
place
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, positive effects are heavier than weaknesses.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows an understanding of the subject but is hindered by a lack of clear logical structure. Ideas should be clearly organized, with separate paragraphs for each main point and the use of cohesive devices to create a clear progression in your argument.
task achievement
Task response could be improved by addressing all parts of the task more fully, ensuring you answer both why there is an interest in relocation and travel, and the outcomes of this behavior. Make sure to provide specific examples to support your points, which were lacking or unclear in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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