IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#attention #prevalence #media
Some
people
 believe that the growth of social
media
 has an impact on the shorter
focus
 of today's generation. I strongly agree that excessive social
media
 use can interrupt
people
's concentration in many ways. Social
media
 provides an instant way to seek pleasure and excitement that makes us lose track of
time
 and
focus
. The easiness of viewing unlimited
media
 content on our finger touch allows us to spend more
time
 with social
media
 anytime we want and the feed's algorithm plays a crucial role in supplying our preferred contents that grab our attention more and more. Take
for example
, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube are the popular platforms with the most users and have the longest screen
time
 for some
people
.
Due to
this
,
people
 that addicted to social
media
 usually neglect their important
work
 and it results in poor performance at school or
work
. Social
media
 interruption serves as a trigger to distract our
focus
. The notification pop-up from social
media
 is often intrusive and it interrupts our
focus
 in daily life. Some unexpected phone notifications from apps namely instant messenger and social
media
 notifications often distract
people
 from
work
.
Moreover
, usually,
people
 cannot resist the temptation to urgently view and reply as soon as possible and it breaks the
focus
time
 session.
Consequently
, rather than finishing the real and important tasks,
people
 tend to delay their
work
 and cannot finish it on
time
. In conclusion, I believe that social
media
's role is the cause of
people
 losing their
focus
 and could harm
people
's productivity. To solve
this
 problem,
people
 should prioritize and block their
time
 to
focus
 on their
work
 and eliminate distractions from their social
media
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

supported main points
Make sure to elaborate further on examples to fully support your main points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expanding and refining your ideas to better demonstrate the implications of the issue at hand.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present, but ensure they both clearly present and summarize the central argument of the essay.
logical structure
Enhance the logical flow of your essay by ensuring that your ideas are clearly connected using a range of cohesive devices.
complete response
A complete response to the task has been provided, but it could be improved by addressing the question to a greater extent and by including a more nuanced argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: