IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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Some claim that
Use synonyms
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
 and how to make should be introduced in
schools
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while
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 others say that major
subjects
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 should be taught.
This
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 essay discusses both these views and I strongly agree with the former opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand,
Use synonyms
science
Add an article
the science
show examples
 of
food
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 and how to prepare it should be taught in
schools
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 because it brings several benefits to students. These days, children
addict
Wrong verb form
addicted
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 to be eaten unhealthy junk foods and sugary foodstuffs
due to
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 they
do
Verb problem
are
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 not aware of the nutrition
meals
Change preposition
of meals
show examples
.
For example
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, if
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school
Add an article
the school
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 teaches how to prepare
nutrition
Replace the word
nutritious
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 meals, pupils have to eat healthy cuisine
instead
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 of junk foods.
As a result
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, they are able to live
a healthy lives
Correct the article-noun agreement
a healthy life
healthy lives
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 without getting
obesity
Replace the word
obese
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.
Science
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 of
food
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 and how to make subject help to be healthy since childhood.
On the other hand
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,
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 should be taught major
subjects
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 than
science
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 of
food
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 because major
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 can lead to obtaining more knowledge.
Besides
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, pupils cooking and eating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nutrition-based
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cuisine are the
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
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 responsibility.
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School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
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 should give more importance to major
subjects
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such
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 as maths,
science
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 and technology.
For instance
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,
science
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 and technology
course's
Change noun form
course
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 knowledge are the most crucial for students since
school
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 time,
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as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a result, they can enhance their skills and talent related to
this
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 field.
Hence
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, major courses should be taught in
schools
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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 educational
institutional
Replace the word
institutions
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 should provide more focus on major
subjects
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due to
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 child will improve their knowledge related to
Use synonyms
science
Correct article usage
the science
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 and technology field,
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science
Add an article
the science
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
 and how to prepare it should be introduced in
schools
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 because pupils may know the value of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nutrition-based foodstuffs and they might not eat junk foods.
However
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, in my opinion,
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
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,
science
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
 and how to make it should be taught in
schools
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas and maintain paragraph unity. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas, sentences, and paragraphs together, allowing for a smoother flow of thought.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task in a balanced manner, ensuring that your opinion is clearly stated and developed throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your main points, ensuring they are relevant and well-explained.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammar and vocabulary to reduce the number of errors and increase precision in language.
coherence cohesion
Check that the introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and effectively summarize the main ideas of the essay.
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