IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

High job demands, stress and sense of commitment are among the main reasons people go to work when they are ill. This way they accomplish important tasks, but may infect others or get some serious health problems themselves. In your opinion should people go to work if they are sick? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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People nowadays encourage to work more by their companies,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
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 condition leads to an
employee
Use synonyms
 tend to be not
condiser
Correct your spelling
consider
 about their body health and keep working
while
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 they are unwell. In
this
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 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain why
this
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 issue happened and support it with several examples.
Firstly
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, companies
expected
Wrong verb form
expect
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 their workers to make
profit
Add an article
a profit
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 and sometimes
not
Add a missing verb
do not
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 think about their
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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. A toxic and unsupportive corporate culture is one of the root
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
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 of
this
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 case.
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This situations
Change the determiner
This situation
These situations
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 occurred because their top management, which is mostly occupied by
boomer
Correct article usage
the boomer
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 generation,
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
this
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 is called a "dedication".
Therefore
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, it is not an excuse if they are sick for not going to
office
Correct article usage
the office
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 as long as they still can walk. It is common
also
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 that they are on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sick leave but still working from home.
For instance
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, a small company
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 has a lack of
Use synonyms
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
, sometimes push their sick worker to still do their task because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there are limited people who can
held
Change the verb form
hold
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 the job
temporary
Change the word
temporarily
show examples
.
Secondly
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,
this
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 problem
also
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 came from the mindset of the
employee
Use synonyms
. Because most of the worker
thing
Correct your spelling
think
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 they
are worry
Change the verb form
are worried
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 if their performance will assessed mostly from their presence
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the office.
Thus
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, they are
insist
Replace the word
insistent
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 and prefer to go working.
As a result
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, some
Use synonyms
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 are getting worse health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 and should
take
Verb problem
be
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 care to the hospital
for
Change preposition
to
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 stop them to work. To illustrate,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
management sometimes
set
Wrong verb form
sets
show examples
 their
employees
Change noun form
employee's
employees'
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 KPI in the initial year, and one of the
measurement
Fix the agreement mistake
measurements
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 is their attendance and how much they take a
day
Change noun form
day's
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 leave. In conclusion, the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
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 issue not only came from a bad corporate culture, but the worker
also
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affraid
Correct your spelling
afraid
 it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their KPI measurement. I,
therefore
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, remain convinced that these two
premise
Change to a plural noun
premises
show examples
 are the root causes of
Use synonyms
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
Add a missing verb
being force
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force
Replace the word
forced
show examples
 to work
while
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illness.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure which makes it challenging for readers to follow your line of reasoning. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your arguments progress logically from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more explicit in laying out your argument. In the introduction, directly address the question posed and state your opinion. In the conclusion, restate your opinion and summarize the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Some of your main points are supported, but the development of these points is hindered by lack of depth in your explanations and examples. Make sure to elaborate on your arguments to fully support your stance. Use examples that are relevant and clearly linked to your argument.
task achievement
While you provide a response to the prompt, it needs to be more comprehensive and clear. Make sure you understand all parts of the task and that your response reflects a well-considered stance on the issue. Work on developing your ideas more thoroughly and ensure that your essay fully addresses the question.
task achievement
The ideas you present are relevant to the question, but they are not explored in a clear or comprehensive manner. Improve the clarity of your ideas by clearly defining your arguments and ensuring they are easy to understand. Avoid complex sentences that confuse the reader.
task achievement
You provide some examples to support your arguments, which is good, but they could be more relevant and specific to your main idea. Aim to choose examples that directly support and illustrate your point. Avoid generalizations and make the link between your example and argument clear.
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