Why do students prefer doing part-time jobs during their studies? Do you ‎think this has more advantages or disadvantages?‎

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There is no doubt that some people need to do part-time

jobs

Use synonyms

to accommodate their studies.

Conversely

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, certain individuals are engaged in part-time

jobs

Use synonyms

as a hobby. In my opinion, some equal merits and demerits lead to

this

Linking Words

statement. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will elaborate on my perspective regarding

this

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issue.

To begin

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with, college students who

work

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half-time

jobs

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get extra cash that they can use to

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

their needs.

Therefore

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, they can learn how to be independent and do not have to ask for it to their parents.

For instance

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, my sister is a barista in a coffee shop somewhere in Jakarta. She gets paid every month with a rational salary

that is

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enough for her to pay her rent and buy things she desires.

Moreover

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, you can easily get a job once you graduate because you already have

work

Use synonyms

experience before. Nowadays,

according to

Linking Words

job recruiters, they value

work

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more than organizational experience.

For example

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, my brother does side-

work

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as an admin in a company

although

Linking Words

he is currently enrolled in university.

As a result

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, he easily gets accepted into a reputable company with a high income.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, there are

also

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drawbacks to having a part-time.

Firstly

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, it can interfere with your

overall

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grades during your studies. To illustrate, a friend of mine does not have good skill of time management,

as a result

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, he often abandons his college assignments and ends up getting terrible scores.

Secondly

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, having to

work

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aside from pursuing your degree is a large responsibility to handle.

Consequently

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, people regularly feel exhausted from managing two duties at the same time. In conclusion, there are equal upsides and downsides to having to

work

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while

Linking Words

also

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focusing on your education. Doing part-time

jobs

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is for students who are good at organizing stuff to do,

therefore

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they can get good grades

as well as

Linking Words

a convincing salary.

pnasywasinaThu Dec 21 2023

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coherence cohesion

While your essay does include an introduction and conclusion and there is a logical progression of ideas, additional linking phrases and cohesive devices could be used to make the progression of ideas even clearer and to help the essay flow more naturally.

coherence cohesion

Your main points are supported, but the support could be improved by developing your arguments further and providing deeper analysis or more varied examples. Aim to explore each main point more thoroughly.

task achievement

You did address the task, providing a balanced view of advantages and disadvantages, but consider expanding on your views and providing a more in-depth discussion of the implications of part-time work during studies. Show a wider range of language to help elaborate on these points.

task achievement

The ideas presented are clear, but sometimes lack comprehensive development. To improve, ensure that each paragraph fully addresses the aspect of the topic it sets out to discuss. This will also help you ensure a complete response to the question.

task achievement

You provided personal examples, but to strengthen your argument and make it more relevant, consider incorporating more generalized examples or statistical evidence that can be applied widely across the student population.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – advantages
Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

The main advantage is...
The disadvantage of this...
The main benefit...
Despite these advantages...
One possible drawback...

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19
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

314 words

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Why do students prefer doing part-time jobs during their studies? Do you ‎think this has more advantages or disadvantages?‎

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermakets in some countries, many small and local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is important for all towns and cities to have large outdoor public spaces such as squared and parks. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many museums charge for admission fee while entering. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?