IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

A company in which every employee is made to feel important will run more smoothly and experience greater success than a company that values some employees above others. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

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In today’s society, some staff members contend that when their
company
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 considers each employee equally important and ensures they feel a sense of achievement, rather than showing preference for certain
employees
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, it could bring more benefits to the
company
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. From my perspective, I agree with
this
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 viewpoint. There are several reasons why focusing on equality is essential.
Firstly
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, when all
employees
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 feel valued, their motivation and job satisfaction increase significantly.
This
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 positive work environment fosters higher productivity and better performance, as
employees
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 are more likely to go the extra mile when they know their contributions are appreciated.
For instance
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, companies like Google and Apple, known for their inclusive cultures, consistently rank high in employee satisfaction and
overall
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 success.
Moreover
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, when
employees
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 feel respected and important, they are more inclined to work together harmoniously towards common goals.
This
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 collaborative spirit leads to innovative solutions and improvements in processes, ultimately benefiting the
company
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 as a whole.
On the other hand
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, if some
employees
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 feel undervalued, it can create resentment and competition, which can hinder teamwork and negatively impact the
company
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's performance.
However
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, it is undeniable that emphasizing excessive fairness may cause some particularly hardworking or more contributive
employees
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 to feel unbalanced.
Nevertheless
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, the
company
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 should focus more on equality
instead
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 of solely on certain
employees
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,ensuring that it can mitigate high turnover, which leads to costs
due to
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 the additional resources required for recruitment and training. In conclusion, an inclusive approach enhances motivation, encourages teamwork, and improves employee retention, all of which are key ingredients for a successful recipe for a thriving business.

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task achievement
In your essay, ensure to fully develop all the points you mention and provide additional examples or evidence where necessary. This will strengthen your argument and enhance the task response score.
task achievement
Some parts of the essay would benefit from more explicit explanation or evidence to solidify the points made. For instance, expanding on how fairness leads to high employee satisfaction in diverse companies would make your argument even stronger.
coherence cohesion
Try to create more explicit links between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. Use transitional phrases and connect ideas more clearly to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for small grammatical errors or inconsistencies. While they don’t heavily impact comprehension, they can slightly reduce the clarity of your writing. Reviewing and editing your work carefully can help eliminate these issues.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, both of which are well-structured and frame the topic effectively.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported with relevant examples, adding depth to the essay.
logical structure
Logical progression of ideas is evident, and the argument is generally easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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