Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
It is argued that these days some
children
use mobile phones Use synonyms
everyday
. In most Replace the word
every day
cases
Add a comma
cases,
kids
play games on their phones spending sometimes Use synonyms
a
several hours Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
for
have fun. Change preposition
to
However
, some Linking Words
children
might use electronic devices for study purposes. Thereby, using smartphones could Use synonyms
has
advantages and disadvantages for Wrong verb form
have
kids
.
Nowadays, contemporary Use synonyms
children
often have their own smartphones and use Use synonyms
it
a lot. Most of the Correct pronoun usage
them
time
Use synonyms
kids
prefer to play different kinds of games and could spend hours doing it. They spend Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
time
at home Use synonyms
instead
of playing outside. Linking Words
Hence
it could have Linking Words
negative
impact on their Add an article
a negative
phisical
activity and health. It is crucial for Correct your spelling
physical
kids
to play Use synonyms
on
the fresh air and participate in some sports activities, Change preposition
in
for example
.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, there are a variety of useful mobile apps for education. These apps teach Linking Words
children
some Use synonyms
base level
math or even foreign language, Add a hyphen
base-level
for example
. It could be fun and interesting for Linking Words
kids
too. Of course, they might spend too much Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
studing
, but in Correct your spelling
studying
this
Linking Words
case
it will Add a comma
case,
has
Wrong verb form
have
positive
impact on their knowledge.
In conclusion, we cannot Add an article
a positive
denied
the fact that we are living Change the verb form
deny
be denied
during
the technical era and it is Change preposition
in
impossibile
to restrict our Correct your spelling
impossible
children
with an access to modern devices. From my point of view, Use synonyms
smatphones
could have some negative and positive impact both. It is always important to try Correct your spelling
smartphones
keep
Fix the infinitive
to keep
balance
between Add an article
a balance
the balance
time
Use synonyms
spending
on the phone and without it.Change the form of the verb
spent
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each central idea. Use a range of linking words to help transition smoothly between these ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the development of each point by expanding on them with detailed explanations and relevant examples. Supporting your main points strengthens your argument and provides clarity to the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are present, it is essential to ensure they are fully developed. The introduction should present the topics to be discussed clearly, and the conclusion should effectively summarize the points made without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task but need to make sure your response is complete. It should cover all parts of the prompt in a balanced way. Remember to answer all aspects of the question and provide a sufficiently detailed response.
Task Achievement
The ideas in the essay are relevant but need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Aim to explicitly state your opinions with clear explanations and make sure your reasoning is easy to follow.
Task Achievement
An effective essay will include specific examples to substantiate the points made. Drawing from a broader range of examples will make your argument more convincing and provide a more precise response to the task.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?