Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

It is argued that these days some
children
use mobile phones
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. In most
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
kids
play games on their phones spending sometimes
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several hours
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
have fun.
However
, some
children
might use electronic devices for study purposes. Thereby, using smartphones could
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
advantages and disadvantages for
kids
. Nowadays, contemporary
children
often have their own smartphones and use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
a lot. Most of the
time
kids
prefer to play different kinds of games and could spend hours doing it. They spend
this
time
at home
instead
of playing outside.
Hence
it could have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
impact on their
phisical
Correct your spelling
physical
activity and health. It is crucial for
kids
to play
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the fresh air and participate in some sports activities,
for example
.
On the other hand
, there are a variety of useful mobile apps for education. These apps teach
children
some
base level
Add a hyphen
base-level
show examples
math or even foreign language,
for example
. It could be fun and interesting for
kids
too. Of course, they might spend too much
time
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
, but in
this
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
it will
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
impact on their knowledge. In conclusion, we cannot
denied
Change the verb form
deny
be denied
show examples
the fact that we are living
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
the technical era and it is
impossibile
Correct your spelling
impossible
to restrict our
children
with an access to modern devices. From my point of view,
smatphones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
could have some negative and positive impact both. It is always important to try
keep
Fix the infinitive
to keep
show examples
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
between
time
spending
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
on the phone and without it.
Submitted by nadin45681 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each central idea. Use a range of linking words to help transition smoothly between these ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the development of each point by expanding on them with detailed explanations and relevant examples. Supporting your main points strengthens your argument and provides clarity to the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are present, it is essential to ensure they are fully developed. The introduction should present the topics to be discussed clearly, and the conclusion should effectively summarize the points made without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task but need to make sure your response is complete. It should cover all parts of the prompt in a balanced way. Remember to answer all aspects of the question and provide a sufficiently detailed response.
Task Achievement
The ideas in the essay are relevant but need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Aim to explicitly state your opinions with clear explanations and make sure your reasoning is easy to follow.
Task Achievement
An effective essay will include specific examples to substantiate the points made. Drawing from a broader range of examples will make your argument more convincing and provide a more precise response to the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: