IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#experts #country #wealth #citizens
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Nowadays, most
people
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 are more wealthy than in the past, which
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 a better quality of lifestyle.
However
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, it is argued that the extra
income
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 would not provide extra satisfaction. Personally, I agree with
this
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 stance, and the following content will outline the reasons.
Firstly
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, the function of
money
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 could lead to happiness. To have enough
money
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,
people
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 have no need to have
a busy and exhausted lives
Correct the article-noun agreement
a busy and exhausted life
busy and exhausted lives
show examples
 for earning
money
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, meanwhile, they are
also
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 rescued from the financial pressure,
such
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 as house rent or bills.
As a result
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, after obtaining enough
money
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for living
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to live
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,
people
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already
Add a missing verb
are already
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 satisfied, a higher amount is not
essensial
Correct your spelling
essential
 for their prosperity.
In addition
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, extra
income
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 could lead to extra payment. A higher salary means workers should pay more taxes from
thier
Correct your spelling
their
income
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 to the country.
For example
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, some
people
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 will buy luxuries when they become wealthy,
Correct word choice
and which
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which
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 need to pay the tax
about
Change preposition
on
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 luxurious products.
Furthermore
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,
money
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 does not represent happiness,
in contrast
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,
people
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 should learn how to be satisfied
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the items they already have.
While
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 earning more
money
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,
people
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 can have more choices, some of them could be whelmed when they make the decision,
nevertheless
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, more options could
also
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 be a problem because
people
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 could have more than they need.
For instance
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, accumulated items at home, keep buying luxuries and becomes greedy without
satisfy
Replace the word
satisfaction
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, which will have a negative impact on the
family
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family's
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financial
Replace the word
finances
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 and
also
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children's
Correct article usage
the children's
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 concept of spending
money
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. In conclusion, more
income
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 could lead to
satisfy
Replace the word
satisfaction
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life,
however
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, earning extra
money
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 could
also
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 have some problems,
such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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higher taxes, changes way of spending
money
Use synonyms
 could have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on
Correct your spelling
families
show examples
famil
Correct your spelling
family
show examples
Submitted by chaoweikevin on

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task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, presenting a clear opinion and some relevant examples. However, the response is incomplete with an abrupt ending and lacks a developed conclusion. To improve, ensure that all parts of the task are fully covered and that the essay is concluded effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an adequate logical structure, however, transitions between ideas can be enhanced for better flow. To further improve coherence and cohesion, work on smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs, and ensure the use of cohesive devices such as conjunctions and pronouns.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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