Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, most
people
are more wealthy than in the past, which provide
a better quality of lifestyle. Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
However
, it is argued that the extra income
would not provide extra satisfaction. Personally, I agree with this
stance, and the following content will outline the reasons.
Firstly
, the function of money
could lead to happiness. To have enough money
, people
have no need to have a busy and exhausted lives
for earning Correct the article-noun agreement
a busy and exhausted life
busy and exhausted lives
money
, meanwhile, they are also
rescued from the financial pressure, such
as house rent or bills. As a result
, after obtaining enough money
for living
, Change preposition
to live
people
already
satisfied, a higher amount is not Add a missing verb
are already
essensial
for their prosperity.
Correct your spelling
essential
In addition
, extra income
could lead to extra payment. A higher salary means workers should pay more taxes from thier
Correct your spelling
their
income
to the country. For example
, some people
will buy luxuries when they become wealthy, Correct word choice
and which
which
need to pay the tax Correct pronoun usage
they
about
luxurious products.
Change preposition
on
Furthermore
, money
does not represent happiness, in contrast
, people
should learn how to be satisfied from
the items they already have. Change preposition
with
While
earning more money
, people
can have more choices, some of them could be whelmed when they make the decision, nevertheless
, more options could also
be a problem because people
could have more than they need. For instance
, accumulated items at home, keep buying luxuries and becomes greedy without satisfy
, which will have a negative impact on the Replace the word
satisfaction
family
Change noun form
family's
financial
and Replace the word
finances
also
children's
concept of spending Correct article usage
the children's
money
.
In conclusion, more income
could lead to satisfy
Replace the word
satisfaction
of
life, Change preposition
in
however
, earning extra money
could also
have some problems, such
as the
higher taxes, changes way of spending Correct article usage
apply
money
could have negative
impact on Add an article
a negative
Correct your spelling
families
famil
Correct your spelling
family
Submitted by chaoweikevin on
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task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, presenting a clear opinion and some relevant examples. However, the response is incomplete with an abrupt ending and lacks a developed conclusion. To improve, ensure that all parts of the task are fully covered and that the essay is concluded effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an adequate logical structure, however, transitions between ideas can be enhanced for better flow. To further improve coherence and cohesion, work on smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs, and ensure the use of cohesive devices such as conjunctions and pronouns.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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